it is sunday once again! woot! love sundays cuz i get to praise God and hear his word! x) hehe. today dun have duty, so reach church bout 10.05am liddat. on the mrt ride dere, i suddenly had the urge to hear the song 'Saviour'. my mp3 very lousy, some WMA songs like 'Saviour' cant hear. stupid sia. so i prayed to God. i prayed we will sing it during worship. and guess wat? we REALLY did! praise God! God is good, he nvr ever fails me. x) so anyway, was alittle late le when we reached church, so din eat and rush to the providence. thank God alicia and kathy not dere yet. hehe. on the way dere, met twinnie. she having some probs wif strawberry. she showed me the msg that strawberry sent her and at that point of time, i felt that strawberry was exactly like me. initiate the break le den realised how much we love the other party. but come to think of it, i really thank God that me n piggy din patch. God has shown me that piggy isnt worth my love at all. as in the NEW piggy. cuz piggy changed. ALOT. really alot. shant mention in wat way. but i'm just glad things are how it is now. i admit that sometimes i still think of him but not as much as before le. and i noe, God is slowly but surely getting him out of my life and i thank God for that. x) without him, i really could not have carry on wif life. hmm. so anyway, we waited awhile before alicia and kathy arrived. meanwhile, we practised the parts ourselves. was unsure so clarified wif alicia when she came. at bout 10.40am, me n my sis decided to go down to grab on bite. went tot he toilet first before going down. on the way out, met pastor mong yee and she asked me the drums how. i told her we prob gonna see the drums today den see how. den she said ok den later she told me say muz take care of my complexation. =X somehow, i wasnt hurt like i would used to feel. mayb bcuz i noe God will handle it! x) i'm alreay praying very hard. and i noe God will answer my prayer de! x) praise God! woohoo! he rocks my life! x) hehe. ao anyway, reach downstairs le den my sis decided to fast for her O's. -_- abit too late le bah. sian. haha. i wanted to wait for my mum to give me money den go buy food but by the time she come out frm the toilet, they close shop le. =X haha. so nvm loh. we den went up to outside the promise and waited for our frens. once all was dere, we went in.

as i stepped into the Promise, i could feel God's strong presence. he was definitely in oud mist. and once we found a seat, i started praising. and it really felt great, to b found in the house of God. hmm and as i said earlier on, we sang 'Saviou'! i was so surprised! God really answered my prayer! and as i sang that song, i really meant it frm the depths of my heart. *i'm listening to it now..hehex..* pastor marion shared the msg today. it was a long but meaningful one. there are so many things about God that hasnt been unfolded. but the bottom line is, God loves each and everyone of us! x) hehex. thank God i din fall aslp during the service. =X saw the guy in front of me, think his name is nicholas, falling aslp tho. heh. his head kept slipping off. it was a funny sight but i kept the laughter to myself. hahax. cuz i remember i used to b liddat. =X but not anymore. praise God! x) so anyway, after the service,i went outside the church building to call coach. he has been trying to contact me during the service but i wanted to respect the presence of God so din go out to pick up the call or anything even tho i knew it was quite impt. so anyway, the training plans were changed. it kept changing until i also very luan. i kept calling mr rizal, den ack to coach, den to mr rizal again. wah sian.. my phone bill sure very high again. haix. haha. den finally! settle le. when i told mr rizal the final plans, i tot he would b irritated and angry cuz kept chaing. instead, he said dis changing thing very funny. =0 that was my reaction. i expected him to b angry loh. den he say funny. haha. really thank God. haha. after i was done, went to talk to shifu bout seeing the drums. he said today cant cuz he needa study. understandable bah. den he say when he free den will call m n zoe den we go. we agreed. den after that, me, mum, trini and kyna went to north point sakae to eat. whoa.. dis was the first time we went dere n ate so little. haha. but bo bian. the two young ones want to eat. after eating, we went to plaza sing to sign me up for guitar lessons. i needa learn to play the guitar urgently! haha. my G12 needs some music. hehe. i also wanna learn drumming soon. my parents still considering to buy me a drum set. i aspire to b the FIRST female drummer in EFC! woohoo! hehe. and i can only achieve that by God's grace! x) heex. anyway, back to guitar. the lessons was $126 for two months. plus registration fee all that, added up to $274.75. felt bad that my mum spent so much money. but i'm gonna do my best to learn! i'm not gonna let her, my G12 and most importantly, God!, down. i will learn it soon! x) that is wif God's help. hehe. after that, we went home le loh.

upon reaching home, i got changed and started to pack my table. wah! super messy. so i decide dto do sth bout it. plus i promised remy that i wud pack it. and so i did. whoa.. u shld have seen all that dust. yikes. many memories were below these dust. i got some boxes and put the different memories into different boxes. memories wif piggy too, was put into one. i put in all the letters my fren wrote to me bout him. even tho it was not written by him, it still has stuff bout him. so i put it in. i also put in the letter i wrote to him. it was very messy so i wrote him another one and give it to him. so the one i had, was kinda like a trial letter. so i kept it inside the box. den the bear and the star i also put it in. the dog n bear that he gave my for my bday i also put it in. and lastly, the photos we took together. i took out those pics frm the album of pics that i just developed and put it into the box. why m i doing all these? because i wanna che che di di de forget him. i dun wanna see anymore of the memories we had together cuz it will only bring back the feelings i had for him. i took one last look at the pics, put the best pic on top and put the lid on. it was OVER. i told myself i'm not gonna open that box to take a peek at it. everything is in God's hands right now.there is no need for me to worry for my future cuz God is in control! x) heh..

after finish packing, i went to bathe den eat den do some jigsaw puzzling. hahax. i love to do jigsaw puzzles! woohoo. hahax. after that, test trini on her science cuz she got sci exam tmr. wah she ah.. a few minutes of studying only den she distracted liaox. not focus and not serious. make me so fed up n tired until i no choice but to ask my mum to teach her. sian loh. haha. oh yah. forgot to mention that hubby was at my hse today! haha. din disturb 'him' cuz 'he' studying for 'chi' Os. in case u dunno, my hubby is JIAMIN! haha! dun get it wrong horx! we're straight. haha. we going for honeymoon after 'his' Os! woohoo! hahaha! xP so anyway, she went home quite late ah.. but she took 240 so not so bad ba. anwyay, wish all O levels students all the best for tmr's chi paper! remember to pray! all of u can do it! x) hehe. after she left, me talked to felix for awhile loh. he my OBS fren. he quite nice ah. very lame de. haha. we only ou er den talk de loh so dun get it wrong. we like 3 weeks nvr talk liaox. felt weird that he suddenly call. haha. and he oraganising a trip to sentosa for all the OBS ppl. woohoo. can go sentosa le. and thank God not wif THEM. hahax. sian lah.. tmr still gotta go sch. so stop here le. needa ZzZzZ liaox. today achievement ah! whole day nvr slp! hehehe. not so pig liaox. haha! tmr also got training.yay! hahax. blog again tmr bah.. woo...

woo.. blogging early today. mayb later tonite will blog again. see how loh. today kinda sux. =X everything seems to be back to how it was again. haix. u'll know wat i mean later. so anyway, today, me woke up at 6.45am to go to sch. but den hor, as i walked to my mum's bedroom the toilet, i saw the bed and was tempted! hahax. so i immediately lie on it and fall aslp instantly. my maid came into the room at 7am, prob wondering why i took so long to brush my teeth and she found me sleeping! haha. so she faster came over to wake me up. noe how pig i m now? =X heh.. i quickly wash up and packed my stuff and den left for sch. reached dere bout 7.55am and was irritated to noe the back gate was locked! sian. so hadta walk to the front gate that is soooooooo far away. haha. ok mayb i'm just lazy. hehe. upon reaching, i only saw ben ben dere! hahax. den later saw justyn n gerald already at the field. woot. haha so we quickly arranged the tables n chairs before we set up our booth. it was tk open hse, btw. hehe.

at bout 9 plus, me n shuyi needed to go parkway to develop some photos. before that, i called clarisse cuz i knew she wanted some of the photos. den i ask nik to help me ask piggy if he wanted any of the photos. den piggy said he want those that has his face on it but how much. hahax. so nik asked me and i told her about $3. den i asked her if it is inclusive of the photos that me n him took together. so she went back n asked him n he said ya. i was quite shocked ah. but din noe which pic he was refering to. so asked her to confirm wif him and he was irritated liaox. sian. i also cant b bothered le. so we went ahead n i developed the photos that had his face, except for two. wah.. me n shuyi was trying very hard to make the number of photos to b over 100 so that it's cheaper. thank God we managed to do it. we hadta wait like 45min for our photos to develop. so meanwhile, we went to buy bubble tea n eat kfc fries. after eating, it was still early, but we decided to check if the photos were ready n thank God, it was. so we collected it n rushed back to sch. at that time, the open hse started liaox. we went to our booth n sorted out the photos before giving it out. all in all, there were 113 photos. haha. alot rite. haha. so later on, we slacked n slacked cuz there were hardly any parents around. i was quite surprised cuz i tot tk was quite popular n would definitely have alot of outsiders coming in to take a look at tk. but today proved me wrong as dere was hardly any parents, or rather, very FEW. so anyway, i was practising my hurdles on the field as i slacked. so sian loh. it was a waste of time. and i dunno why but the feelings for piggy seemed to come back. that sux. i felt that way cuz somehow, i was always looking out for him. thank God, it's kinda gone now...

i remember as i sat at the bench, nik was holding on to some neoprints so i asked if i could look and she passed it to me. it was neoprints of her n shan. immediately, i knew they went out yest. den i looked for the date and i was right. at that moment, i felt betrayed and hurt. i could feel a stab in my back. and nik was my BEST fren! haix. i asked her if she wanted to develop the photos yest after her tuition. she told me that she wasnt sure and that shan has asked her to go bugis but she wasnt sure if she could go. she den told me that she would sms me after her tuition. guess wat she said? she told me that she had no money and prob develop the photos another day. WOW. no money n yet can go out n take neoprints wif shan. haix. at least tell me that she's going out wif shan instead and not LIE about it. dis made me feel that my presence was REALLY hated. i think the reason why she lied bout it was because she din wan me to know den then tag along. haix. felt so hurt. i wanna b happy, but circumstances dun let me. besides that, when i passed homing his photos, he asked me to keep first n give it to him at saira's hse later cuz her bday party. actually, i knew she had a party long ago and that i wasnt invited. but homing was the THIRD person who asked me and i hadta say i wasnt invited. it's quite paiseh. but at that time, i was hurt again. homing insisted that i was invited but i told him i din receive the invitation. he exclaimed that he din receive it too but was sure i was invited. i was like no lah no lah. den he say if i dun believe den he find saira and ask her. in the end, he din not get back to me and i even saw both of them talking. oh well, wat can i say? my presence is really hated bah. ppl dun like me being around them. so i will stay away from them from now onwards. mayb bcuz i spoil their mood. or watever. i dun care le. now, i noe who my true frens in sch are. and there's only two - shuyi and clarissa. they havent nvr let me down before and i can trust them. from everything that has happened, i've learnt, and thru the hard way, that NO man can be trusted. they'll just stab u in the back in the end, even ur BEST fren. i dun hate her tho. forgive n forget bah. but mayb now, i'm just not gonna tell her anything bout me anymore. just frens.

now, i'm feeling much much better tho. i realised that dere's no point getting sad n hurt over unworthy ppl aka hyprocrites. they give me the feeling that they like me n treat me as a gd fren but it is all a pretence. but watever it is, it's over now. i'm just gonna work on my tmr and believe that God has everything planned out for me. i'm gonna b a happy n cheerful girl, like i promised. not gonna let this little thing stand between me n my BIG God. i will walk in his ways and pray for his mercy upon my life. i thank God that i know him. i also thank God that he has brought my thru everything and that he has NEVER EVER left my side. iloveGOD! he totally ROCKS MY LIFE! woot! everyday is a new beginning, plusi have God! i have nth to worry about... x) tmr will b better...

whoa.. it's been so long since i've blog. i think, i shant write bout the past 3 days, since it's the past already. in short, those three days were really hectic for me. i was quite busy and my feelings were really confusing. so yep, that's bout it. it's just complicated. so anyway, it's a new me! and a new beginning! today, started off wif me going to sch again. took my own sweet time as usual. heh. today arts fest also mah. so no lesson. woohoo. shuang. today is officially the last day of sch but the sec3 got extended lesson till 15 nov. sian loh. so anyway, tooked 30 cuz i noe 33 sure packed de. den walked to sch n reached dere bout 7am. den i slpt till i hear the bell den went for assembly. hahax. lazy me rite. PIG! hahax. den got some prize presentation after flag raising. den we went to the audi for the on-the-spot dance comp. my class no rep sia. haha. sad. i think the 3H one dance until damn seductive loh. and also one word which i dun wan n shld not use. *sorry God..* and worst thing was, she WON.. cant believe it.. nvm. forgive n forget. heh. i think shaz n huda shld have won first tho. haha. so anyway, after that, we went back to class to do the tk organiser design. cant believe i took it seriously n actually drew quite nicely. haha. to me, it's quite nice le cuz my art sux. hahax. den while i was doing, yeok fei help me plait my hair. hehe. den peck peck jealous, den also want. haha. i hadta lend her one of my rubberbands loh! den i left wif two plaits nia. bleah. hahax. still, i did it so slow. den time to go audi again but i havent do the write-up rite. slow poke loh me. haha. so no choice, went to audi n finished it.

in the audi, yu quan n ben was sitting behind us. den when i was doing the write-up. yu quan go say some things which i think he should not loh. but that's him loh. always saying things before he think if it will hurt the other party not. i wasnt hurt lah. i was more of angry. so i go say him loh. den he shuddup le. =X hmm.. after that, the hair styling fashion show started. wah.. all the hair hor.. ok lah. some quite nice. but some hor, really like s*** loh. =X sorry ah.. but it's the truth! cant believe ash n esmi won second n first respectively. =X it's just so erm.. got no comments. was expecting 3f that team to win tho. cuz i felt that the hair style was not bad. just that they chose the wrong model. =X hehe. before the judges collate the points, there was a commercial brake. and when i say commercial, i mean REAL commercial loh. haha. as in ADVERTISEMENTS. haha. unbelievable. put up by the sec1s summore. one was about pizza, 3 FOR 1! haha. den another was about an energy drink. qutie lame one. den the last one was the BEST! haha. it's advertisement bout the uses of an umbrella. *wouldnt it be nice if you have an umbrella..... wouldnt it be nice?* haha! so cute leh the boy! hehe. after that, T2B n bryan er performed! woohoo! their voice rocks loh! now plus music, even better! nice sia.. finish le den alot of ppl shout 'encore!' haha. they should have won the talent search loh. and not that flavorlicious. sian. hahax. after that, it was recess and i got to c the year book. yun ting de. she leaving sch early that's y receive so early. i look horrible loh! eeww.. sian. haha.. after recess was cleaning up. sian loh. so we clean clean clean. clean finish le den was giving out of the year book n the results slip. was disappointed to find out that i've dropped one class position and that equals to 23 level position! sian. still, wanna thank God for the good results. my L1R5 maintained at 16. praise God. after sch, i got alot of things to carry home sia.. sian. my table top de design also. but i actually slipped it underneath the door of the gym. =X hehe. i very lazy to bring home. heh. den after that went home le loh. walked up the gate wif nik. actually hor, i wanted to b cold towards her n shan. =X sorry but i felt kinda betrayed by them. cuz they came to sch late today, together wil piggy n kest i think. prob went to eat and din even ask or tell me. =X nik is my best fren summore. haix. was abit disappointed lah. but now that God has set me free n i have found the joy that i've been missing out, i'm not really affected le. plus, i'm improving! i dun like look out for piggy anymore. God has set me FREE! woohoo! x) praise him forever. and anyway, i couldnt bear to b cold towards them too. they're my frens. x)

when i reached home, i ate my lunch n used the com. read the email that my dad sent us. he wants me n mid to shower my care n love to our little sisters. will try loh. and he wants us to take up a foreign language! AAHHHH!! not only do i wanna take up guitar lessons, i also wanna take up drumming. plus, i havta commit to my CCA n i wanna work to lighten my mum's load! and now, taking up a foreign language?! that's insane! how to cope?! plus O levels next yr! AAHHHHH!! HOW HOW HOW?! *God help me!!* haix sian loh. better pray for God's wisdom. so after replying his email, i went to... SLEEP! HAHA! PIG PIG! woot! hahax. supposed to wake up at 4 pm to go parkway to develop some photos but no discipline! argh.. haha! i slept frm 2 plus, all the way to 5.30pm. =X heh. woke up, use abit of com, den bathe n went to church le. the whole journey dere, i was qutie awake, listening to my mp3. and even tho i dun think bout piggy that already, i still count the number of CAK bags i see. it's so interesting n fun! haha. it's the most common bag i see loh. up till today, as in frm the start of dis month till now, i've seen 44 bags! haha. cool hor. oh yah.. the umbrela advertisement in the audi they also got use. heh. oh yah. was also smsing liang jing. talked to him bout christ and God's second coming. he din seem to like me talking bout christ but i still did anyway. i confessed to him that i havent been a gd testimony recently but i'm gonna change! cuz i've found joy in the Lord! x) and i wanna forget bout all the hurts in my life. he wasnt quite convinced. den din managed to catch the shuttle bus when i reached yishun. so rushed to the bus interchange n thank God, managaed to reach church on time. i think worship started a little earlier today. as i stepped into the providence today, it felt different. the feeling was great. at that point of time, i knew that i was changed, i was renewed! praise God! x) hehe. so lesson also ended qutie early today. it was a fruitful one as once again, i've learnt that God will give us victory! x) woot.

sad to say, the bus ride to tampines affected me spiritually again. all because of a sentence my sister said. "go and sit behind wif sing tee lah." u really dunno how it feels loh. she can sit wif jia min, bernice or joelle but she just cant sit wif ME. it made me feel as if my presence was hated. den i remembered bout dis morning shan n nik late one. that proved my feelings even more right. haix. i was so disappointed wif myself for feeling that way. but i immediately prayed. it din worked instantly. instead, i was very affected so i listened to my mp3 on the bus n din really talked to anybody. i was really bout to cry, thinking that no one likes me to b around them. i continued to feel liddat but put on my best smile when we dropped off the bus n talked. on the way up the escalator on the mrt, my sis said she din wan me to sit beside her was cuz she noe she'll b noisy. but how bout joelle? she very noisy one meh? no loh. she's the quiet type. mayb talk alot to my sis bout jap stuff, but not to the rest. n jiamin's not that noisy either. wat makes me any different? haix. den after yireng alighted at bedok, i knew my sis was trying to make the chang mian not look so bad but talking to me bout art fest? oh well, felt so so bout it. reach home le den i went to eat maggie den here i m blogging loh. talked to ivan just now and he asked me who hated my presence. and i said everybody with a question mark at the back. but i added, except God. den ivan assured me that the everybody is exclusive of him. i was quite comforted by wat he said. he also assured me that no matter wat, God still loves me! x) *thanks ivan!* felt much better den n much much MUCH better now.

i've decided that i'm gonna change for the better! i'm gonna show the world that God lives in me! i wanna b a gd testimony to my frens around me. i'm gonna b a happy n cheerful girl once again cuz i've found the joy that i've been missing out all because of one unworthy guy. and i found it none other than in the Lord! x) thank God for renewing me today. i will continue to pray for God's mercy upon my life n the world. and i pray that i will not stray away from him again. tmr will b a new day, a new beginning. my new life starts tmr! x) and tmr is tk's open hse. i think the sch very kiasu loh. hehe. so early open hse le. but watever it is, i'm involved n havta b dere early.. *God, guide my every action n be wif me tmr..x)* will blog again tmr.. woohoo...

here to blog for two days de happenings. hmm.. wat can i say. my feelings these few days have been up n down, up n down. i really hate it when it's liddat.. it's like i dunno how to or how i shld feel anymore.. feelingless creature. that's wat i m AGAIN. haix.. let's start wif sunday. hmm woke up at 6 plus cuz had duty. wasnt feeling very gd already cuz.. cuz.. i dun wanna say.. only shan n piggy n homunko will noe why bah. haix. so rushed out of the hse as usual cuz i forgot dis, forgot that. that is how forgetful i m. hahax. den slpt my way thru the whole journey to yishun. felt so pig man. but wat to do? i'm a pig mah. hahax. den finally reach church. dragged my feet out of the mrt. woo.. den on the shuttle slpt again. =X heh. that day, we were early. soon, worship started. as u noe, i love worshipping God! it just feels so awesome. so great. the songs just expresses my love towards God in which a thousand words cant. and it feels like all my worries n problems have been taken away. i hope i wun stray away frm God again. even tho that day, i confess, that i was a little angry wif God. i have no right to! who am i to do that?! haix. sorry God.. after the chi service, we went to eat den i saved seat for twinnie. hmm. after that, went up for practice le. learnt new songs today. as in the alto parts. hmm.. den attended rzone lesson after the worship. yireng shared today. learnt sth frm it too. we muz open our golden mouth and ask God to bless us! hehex. i think it's quite true loh. many a times, we blame God for not blessing us. but that's cuz we dun ask him for it! but remember, no is an answer too. x) so yep. after rzone ended, i played a little bit of drums! woohoo! so shiok! hehe. weisheng shifu teach me new drum beat again and thank God! it only took me a while to get the hang of it. hehe. hmm.. when main service ended, i went down to the atrium to look for my mum. i wanted to go home asap. frankly, i'm being more afraid to go church nowadays. =X i feel the pressure that ppl around me is giving me. mayb some i've hurt them b4, some who thinks i've not been doing wat God wants me to do. i dunno, but whatever it is, it's really scary. i feel that they're looking at me in a diffirent way cuz of the things i do, the things i say and the things that had happened in my life. yes, i admit i made mistakes, but that's how i learn and draw closer to the Lord. haix. *God, set me free!* haix. so anyway, i went home immediately after service. slp slp slp again! woot! slpt for 4 and a half hours seh. den nobody can find me. heh. =X seriously finding jocouz abit irritating. he smses me EVERYDAY! for NOTHING! argh.. so sometimes i dun reply him and guess wat? he sends the same old msg AGAIN and AGAIN! haix. *God, forgive me for being so hot tempered.* so woke up bout 7 plus, had dinner den prayed. i decided that after being convicted bout praying TWICE, i shld do sth. i really feel very guilty towards God. so dis time, i prayed before i din anything else. after praying, den i used the com.

when piggy came online, his display pic was a GIRL! i couldnt believe my eyes. =X i quickly ask shuyi to see his dp and asked her if it was a celebrity cuz i noe she quite updated wif the showbiz de. den she confirm confirm plus chop wif me that it's NOT. i was quite disappointed and felt that i hadta find out who it was. den sy told me it was most prob jiayuan. i couldnt believe wat she said but when i wanted to take a second look at the photo, it's GONE! he changed it back to his old dp le. haix. den actually sy wanted to send me that jy pic but cannot send le. so she ask me go frenster see for myself. at first, jy profile couldnt load. i was telling God, asking him if it's his will that i dun get to see that pic. den thank God, her profile was finally dere. i went to see n CONFIRM CONFIRM plus CHOP that it was jy. was so disheartened as i wondered why he had her pic. i hadta noe why, if not, my mind was not at ease. so LAST RESORT, i asked sy to help me asked him! but in order for him not to suspected me, i went offline first den sy asked him. den later, when i came online again, i blocked him all the way till he went offline. =X dun wanna ruin any chances of me n him becoming frens again. den sy told me some truth, WHICH, wasnt that bad afterall. i heaved a sigh of relief. wooh.. *i noe u all muz b thinking, if i say FRENSHIP, why is my reaction still liddat rite? yes, i have given up the tot of me n him being together again but that doesnt mean i dun have feelings for him anymore. i just need time! dun push me.. haix.* den sy said she will print out the con n show me. so cute lah she! hahax. den we discussed bout wat to do on her bday. she even invited piggy n kest they all. dunno if they will come anot. so anyway, i finished typing my testimony for john, and den went to bed. well, i din exactly immediately slp. in fact, i cried myself to slp. =X haix. many tots filled my mind as i lie on the bed. i have sinned against the Lord so many times and in so many ways. i was asking for his forgiveness in my life. i was asking him to take me to where he is now. where dere are no troubles, no sins, no hw, no stress.. so carefree. just me + God. it was really paradised. at that moment, i really wished God will just take me away, away frm dis world that is full of hatred, jealousy, hypcrotics and u name it. and as i prayed, talked to God and cried, i just fell aslp.

i woke up to a new day, a new beginning. as usual, couldnt wake up. heh. but wat's diff dis time is that i did not rush. instead, i took my own sweet time. i wasnt feeling really gd dis morning cuz of my looks. sometimes i really cant stand it. mayb now youth den alot of qing chun dou, but sometimes it can b really insulting. and i would often think n ask God. if he had craeted human in a image oh himself, den does he have qing chun dou too? does he noe how i feel wat ppl insult me bout the way i look? the feeling just totally sux. i dun even feel like going to sch. that's prob y i took my own sweet time. i chose the wrong day to do that as i had to b in sch before 7am today. in the end, i reached sch on the dot. rushed to find mr rizal just to find that he was nowehere to b found! hahax. so ironic. we ran round the whole sch looking for mr rizal, just to pass him some testimonies bout john. sian. den as i ran past the bridge, i heard someone calling me and guess who was it? it was kest, wif piggy. i kena shock sia. dun even dare to stop to talk or anything. just ran away after saying a faint 'hey'. oh crap, dun care loh. den later finally found cher. after passing him the testimonies, we went canteen to slack awhile loh. den piggy n kest appeared frm nowhere n went to drink frm the water cooler. den nik kept pushing sy to kest to ask him bout her bday. think sy very paiseh loh. haha. den keep telling nik not to push her cuz her ankle pain. haha. hmm. den today nik bunned up her hair! think she looks really neat and nice. x) too bad i din get a chance to tell her that. so anyway, sch was as per normal, as boring as usual. mostly is going thru the answers for the EOY papers. frankly, i dun see wat's the use. =X everyone already lost their focus loh. sian.eng was most song one. cuz i got to listen to my mp3 for two whole lessons. heh.. den during hist lesson, which is the last period, dennis actually called me loh! thank God it was free period so i din get caught for answering the phone. heh. he kept on asking me to go for josh de chalet. i was very reluctant as i noe adidas was going n not sure lao da was going. i noe i've hurt adidas n my presence dere will only make things worst. it would also make us both feel awkward. and lao da also. i think he's angry wif me. i really dunno wat to say or how to react when i see him. =X haix. but after much persuading frm dennis, i decided to just go n give josh his present n give dennis some face. hahax.

after that, sch ended le loh. it was lonely me. clar had some bazaar thing to do n sy was not in sch. shan was nowhere to b found n nik left sch already. sad sia me. so went to help clar loh. we went to parkway once she was done. walking out of sch, piggy, xiaowei n zhang were in front. they suddenly zhang started to walk back. clar felt weird n so do i. hahax. den zhang ask whether we want go eat. he hestitated awhile before saying that he n xiaowei going to eat. hmm, felt quite weird tho. but i din ask much. i just told him we WERE going to parkway but not to eat. den he was like dun care ah.. eat ah.. den he walked away. haha. funny lah he! they walked so fast loh. so in the end, they took 135 n we din. den later they din call us or anything so i also nvr go find them loh. nvr had the intention to anyway. hahax. clar n me both felt the same way. actually piggy was going but zhang nvr say nia. good loh he. sian sia.. at parkway, we shopped for peck peck's present and mummy's bday cake. woot! cant believe we found both in less that n half an hour! fast rite we choose? heh. den we went home le loh. at home, i quickly wrapped josh present n did his card. whoa. everything went by so quickly. i also typed out the diffierent fonts we could use for the keychains for my sch bazaar. den i left for downtown east le. and i realised that it was so late le! =X was bout 5.45pm when i lef the hse. so reach downtown east bout 7pm cuz i took bus to tanah merah mrt den took bus to downtown east. me noe it's stupid but wanted some quiet time on the bus. den finally reach downeast le. met twinnie n adidas on the way in. felt abit awkward but ok bah. cuz twinnie n him going out to pick jan. i went to the bbq dere n sat alone. din feel like eating so dint. besides i din pay. it wouldnt b nice if i ate. in the end, i stole one satay n a few chips. the satay was dennis force de loh! he wun let me go hom unless i eat one satay. hahax. so bo bian. den the chips were too tempting le. hehe. plus i see mokkie got so much. so took a few frm him. haha. den also talked abit to twinnie. *i noe i've said dis many times but i'm gonna say it again. love is beautiful. to everyone out dere, dun turn love to hatred. dun give love a bad name. mayb sometimes we'll think back and feel hurt but remember, we have God! and we muz find joy in him! and he holds our future. so we have absolutely nth to worry about! smile! x)* hmm. ironic thing is, i always tell dis to ppl but i myself cant do it. haix. i muz learn. so anyway, at bout 8pm, i left the place loh. twinnie n jan offered to walked me out. was quite surprised that lao da came along too.=X tot he was angry wif me. thank God he isnt. x) so they sent me to the bus stop n i went home loh. eat, bathe den now bloggin loh. just now i see piggy's nick, keep changing. den go one is 'haix cant do anything bout that'. at that point of time, i felt so helpless, so 'dunno anything'. wanna help but dunno how also. also dun wanna irritate him and let history repeat itself again. so no choice. i just left things the way they were. will pray for him tho. den later went to see his frenster. was so happy loh! he uploaded the photo that i took wif him on my bday. hehe. even tho i was quite angry at the testi that teh deeeee write for him. i guess that balanced out everything bah. den was supposed to talk to twinnie but guess she's busy having fun at the chalet bah. haha. no worries ya twin. x) i guess that's bout my day. simple yet great. cuz God's in it! x) hope for tmr, hope in God. x) believe tmr will b a better day... =]

me dun feel like blogging today. only something to say that summarises my day.. "when u dun look gd, u dun FEEL gd." agree rite? haix. blog tmr....

woot! i think i'm a little happier girl today. hahax. went for drumming 'audition' dis morning.. the inverted comas are dere cuz it's not really an audition. kirk just told us the intro to drumming and the basic stuff.. den he tried us out. for me, i only knew one basic beat. so he asked me to play it and he said it was quite ok.. *thank God!* later, he asked if i knew any other beat. i tried to recall and verbally told him den he refreshed my memory. heh. i tried to play it but was quite unsuccessful cuz my hands n foot couldnt really coordinate. =X so anyway, it was zoe's turn. and because it was her first time drumming, kirk taught her howta play the basic beat. it was really cool.. zoe just needs time to b able to play it. x) for me, it also took me some time. i learnt it at weisheng's hse during the june hols i think. so ya.. me n zoe expected that 'audition' to take quite some time but it finished within 15 min. =X quite disappointed actually. cuz expected kirk to teach us more stuff. but he told us say if we really have the interest, we shld go get a drum set. so when on sat, he teach us new beats, we can go back and practise. if not also no use. i totally agree wif him. for zoe, it shld b ok.. she has the space and the money. but alittle difficult for me cuz my hse dun have the space and the money. haix.. by God's grace, hopefully i can get one.. so anyway, jocouz came during the middle of ur 'audition'. not really surprised actually. but din exactly wanna see him cuz of some facts i noe. =X ok watever. so after that, me n zoe went to the nearby coffeeshop to snack. she tried to pyscho me into staying back and help her do the back drop till outreach but she failed. hehe. i needed to rest man! wahahax. so tired. so after eating, me went home to... ZzZZZzzZZ.. see how lazy i m? haha. feel so pig. haha. cuz i slpt frm bout 12.45 to 2.50pm. i packed my stuff and immediately left for outreach loh. haha. siao sia.. i travelled to yishun dere n back twice today.. haha. but for God, NVM! x)

hmm.. at outreach, yi reng, me, mid and ber formed a team to reach out to the youths ard dere. we walked across a road and met 4 girls sitting on the floor, at the void deck of a HDB flat. we approached them and yi reng invited them to our church. thank God they were quite friendly and din not chase us away. they were even willing to give their contact numbers to yi reng. the youngest one dere, was actually mistaken for a boy, by midori! hahax! xP acutally i also tot she was a boy. but midori was the one who said it out! haha. she was like, ' ni leh? you mei you nu peng you?" den the girl was like, "wo shi girl girl leh!" HAHAHA! =X so funny. den midori so paiseh that she go 'zhuang qiang'. hehe. we met alot of our church ppl dere too. all in the same area. den later our contacts the frens came by. we tried to invite them too but they were so rude and so crude in the words they use. they insulted God's name. midori was quite angry but thank God she controlled herself. i noe if i went to ask them, i would have blown my top already. so God told me to stay one side and calm down. den after awhile, we began to walk back to where we came frm. on the way, yi reng shared wif us that when jessica first invited sze min n christine to our church, they were also liddat, insulting God. but jessica nvr gave up. so we muz try to ren and ask God for his mercy n grace. and i agree. i decided to change my mindset towards them. i decided that they are lost and are in need of God's grace in their lives. mayb they come frm broken homes and are just covering up their broken hearts by putting on a cool front so we muz pray for them. muz really thank God for enlightening me. x) i'm glad the four girls are most likely going to church tmr. thank God for their willingness. x) when everything was over, we decided to make on move. i needed to go too cuz had arranged to go clar's hse to make shuyi's present. hehe.

took 854 and den change to 63. was quite late already when i reach clar's hse. felt quite bad but realised i was earlier den nik. hehe. so after that, we went up to her hse, eat n did shuyi's pressie. it was difficut man. shant give away our surprise for her. haha. halfway, nik went to the toilet and me n clar talked abit bout bugs n piggy. she was quite happy cuz bugs msn nick meant sth bout regretting bout giving up. for me, i told her that i havent really figure out why piggy was unhappy last nite and why he bracketted the letter 'v'. oh well, we din think much. later, nik left earlier den me cuz she was afraid her dad wud b angry. hmm we managed to finish doing her present b4 i left her hse. gave each other a hugg b4 i boarded the bus. *once again, huggs are the universal medicine! woot!* haha. so here i m at home blogging. talked to my mum bout the drums just now. was quite surprised at wat she said. she told me that if i felt a calling for it den go ahead. but den i asked her, where to get the money? =X she was like, 'PRAY.' yea, that's the answer. and by God's grace, i would b able to get one. hehe. x) will talk to pastor mong yi again tmr.. so anyway, talked to kest just now also. but only after he left den i found out wat he meant! piggy is not depressed cuz of a girl! i got the wrong interpretation! crap. till now, i dun even noe why.. sian.. muz ask kest tmr again.. hope he wun get irritated wif me.. =X gonna slp now anyway.. *the starx are beautiful tonite.. x)* on duty tmr.. woot! and yet another day.........

haix.. wat a day it had been for me.. sometimes i really cant stand my feelings. up and down, up and down, until i dun even noe how i'm feeling anymore. haix. feelingless creature.. that was wat i was today at church. hmm.. anyway, started off wif sch dis morning. woke up early and thank God, managed to take the earlier bus and got a seat. heh. hmm.. reach sch quite early so took my own sweet time to walk in, just to find out that the classrooms were not opened yet. so sian.. hadta walk past the staffroom that way. den walked to clar dere and stood wif her until the man come n open the classroom for us. while waiting, shan n piggy came loh.. wif another guy i dunno who. den clar say lived was looking at our direction.. woohoo. who noes? hmm.. deni told clar that today was the sec4s last day. din expect her expression to change so drastically. =X sorry nu-er. shldnt have said it. i noe how she feels loh. den being able to see bugs. haix. after a while, the guy finally opened our classrooms! woot! so as i walked in, saw lived walking at the opposite block, looking into my class. well, dun wanna think so much.. so anyway, went for assembly after that.. den on the way dere, nu-er looked so sad. =X den later she cried! wah. wo bu zhi suo cuo. den she walked super fast den piggy infront so i din wanna walk so fast. caught up wif her in the end den i ask her to dun liddat. muz cheer up cuz will surely get to see bugs again de. x) den i gave her a hug, hoping she'll feel better and i noe she did. *u go girl! x)*

today whole day was quite slack. first period mrs tey came in. den she wrote down the names of those who were absent. den she demanded for an mc or letter for those who did not go sch on thur. *that's me. so she called my name and thank God, i had a letter. hehe. tell u secret. actually hor, dis letter is that time i 1st time pon sch den ask my mum write de. the date is 25th may loh. but then the following day, my cher nvr collect. so hor, i reused! =X hehe. just changed the date nia. woot.. x) save my mum the trouble of writing it again mah. hehe. and save paper also. haha. den rest of the lessons was quite slack. just did very little work. talked to yeok fei and was quite happy. den during amath period hor, lived was up dere, outside the toilet. it seems like lived was looking in at our classroom. either that, is downstairs. so yf went to check out wat was downstairs and found out dere was nth. haha. i was laughing the whole way thru. hehe. so time flies and soon, sch ended le. talked to shan n nik for awhile b4 i saw mr rizal and walked over to ask him bout john cuz heard john is in deep shit. den he ask me, clar and shuyi to tell him incidents where john lied. so we told him quite abit. hmm.. den gerald n ali hadta contribute too. so anyway, later i found out shan they all had a friendly netball match. against netballers i think. oh well, they had enuf players so i din get to play. but nah. it's ok cuz hadta meet up wif twinnie too! hehe. x) so as u can see, the first half of my day was great. happy, cheerful me. later is when my feelings start to play on me again.

i went home, bathed and went to check out my blog and saw wat lao da wrote. was so discouraged and was on the verge on crying when i told myself i cannot cuz dere's ppl at home. *sorry lao da, that i lied bout havent seeing ur tag when u asked me in church. i was so afraid cuz u sounded so angry. i din noe how to reply u if u were to ask me face to face. i was so scared of wat u wud say. u sound so fierce too. =X i lied so that i did not havta give u an explanation dere and then. i'm really very sorry lao da. hope u'll forgive me for lying. i already prayed for forgiveness le. sorry* so anyway, i faster dress up and went out. hmm.. met up wif twinnie soon. she came wif her mum. at first, i was quite shock cuz i tot her mum shopping wif us. hehe. den actually is not. her mum going OG. i think her mum very hip n cool loh. hehe. so me n twinnie walked to heeren to shop for her wallet at the wallet shop. we see see see den cant decide so decided to go see other places first den come back again. we end up going to the neoprint shop and thinking neos. heh.. so fun loh! just the two of us. den the pics super nice! hahax. after that she met up wif her frens cuz they wanna pierce their ears. was quite shocked at first cuz tot they were tagging along wif us shopping. =X but they din. ok mayb just awhile but i'm ok wif it. hahax. den after that, we walked back to the wallet shop, den to 77th street den back to the wallet shop. haha. we walked in THREE times loh. haha. and on the third time, we finally decided on sth for josh and twinnie, a new wallet for herself. haha. after that, we decided to go cine to eat and take neos and shop abit. wah.. cine brings back alot of memories sia. whenever i m reminded of them, i would tell twinnie bout it. we tell each other alot of things loh. that's when my feelings start to mix up and my tots start to go everywhere. sian rite. we ate at pastamania. quite ex but the food was nice. i very long nvr eat ex food le. =X hehe. so once in a while, can ba. dere, twinnie also told me the memories she had loh. dere also. hmm. den finish eating le den we go take neos! woohoo! twice summore. woot. haha. taking neos was the most fun thing we did today. and thank God, all the pics taken were nice! heh. love it. x) den after that, we went to a korean shop and i got sth for my mum! woohoo. hope the colour suits her and hope she likes it. x) hmm.. den we decided to go somewhere to sit and talk. chose BK and hadta order fries in case we kena chased out. heh. dere, we talked bout even more stuff. talked about adidas also. i felt that i owe him an apology. that i shld not treat him that way. was abit too much on my part. just pray that God will change me n him loh. but all i see is just frens. =X piggy, also just frens. and i have dis vision that he'll attend my G12 faithfully one day. so i'm just trying to get dis frenship right again. anybody, or everybody, pls dun misunderstand. i'm surrendering everything to God. mayb sometimes, the things we do, may seem so worldliness in the eyes of the leaders and the pastors but dun forget, u all were once at that stage too. all me n twinnie need is time. time to grow spiritually in the Lord and also to grow mentally thru the experiences we go thru. i really thank God for twinnie cuz we have so many things in common and we understand how each other feel. i can talk to her bout almost anything and everything. *thanks twinnie! i'll b here if u need me! x)* after finishing the fries, we decided to walk to orchard mrt instead, cuz it was still early.

on our way to church, i saw TEN cak bags. twinnie was so 'angry' wif me. haha! cuz she dun understand how my eyes can b so sharp. hehe. God give me sharp eyes mah. haha! x) den we took mrt. so crowded! sian. den reach yishun mrt quite early. hadta wait quite a while for the shuttle bus to come. den on the bus, we talk talk talk again. hehe. we seem to have never ending topics to talk bout. haha. at church, i started not to feel myself le. dunno why but just liddat loh. but praising God was just awesome. love worshipping him. it just feels so good to b able to sings praises to his name. x) den later, pastor quek, samuel, devon and pastor alan gave testimonies bout their trip to korea. *eh how come lao da mei you? heh* franklyy, i wasnt really able to concentrate. but still, i managed to catch the main point of all their testimonies. the most useful one was about prayer. God has once again convicted my heart bout praying. haix. *sorry God. i will draw close to u again.* so anyway, after hof, me n twinnie went to get a drink den we went outside to talk again. but dunno why, soon, alot of people came out also so we din talk much. but i wasnt feeling myself. when ppl ask me why i so sian, i would tell them i dunno. they ask me tired, i say i dunno. cuz i realy dunno. dunno dunno dunno. my feelings and tots were unknown, even to myself. only God noes bah. mayb i just had a confused and conplicated mind which i'm sure, God will reveal to me all my uncertainties soon when i put all my faith n trust in him. x) hmm, the shuttle bus came and i was super quiet during the whole bus ride. twinnie sat wif ws and i saw wif wy but i was quite ok wif it. din feel like talking to anybody anyway. blasted my ears wif christian music too. felt a little better by God's grace. x)

here i m now, at home. talked to nu-er just now cuz din understand wat piggy msn nick means. it just feels so weird. it felt like it was bout me but it felt like it wasnt either. hmm.. weird rite. but i was telling nu-er, if it was me, den why he nvr talk to me first? den just after i said that, he REALLY talked to me, FIRST! i was shocked at wat God did. at the same time, confused. haix. feelingless like i said. he was quite depressed i could tell. but he din wan to tell me wat happened so i din pester him either. just hope he'll cheer up bah. kest better do a gd job. =] hmm drums audition tmr! whee.. hope everything will go well.. *God b wif me and zoe as kirk teaches us! x)* drumming.. HERE I COME!

wah.. another day has passed.. today was the end of the netball interclass.. gonna miss it man. haix.. where shld i start leh? sian. today, me pon sch. =X second time when the gd girl turn bad. hehe. =X first time was on 25th may! see. i remember so clearly cuz i went out wif shan on that day n we took neoprints! hahax. i still woke up at 6 tho, den had a hard time going back to slp again. woke up at 7 plus again cuz clar called me. said today checking marks so muz go. den i was like go now, sure late also. plus my form cher not going sch today. so i told her say not going. =X she sounded abit disappointed tho. hmm wonder why.. mayb cuz she got no one to tell xing shi to? felt bad. =X so anyway, i went back to slp bout woke up at 8 plus again. cuz sms started coming in, asking me y i nvr go sch.. wahahax. so i tell them say i tired, want slp more but will go sch later cuz got interclass netball. hmm den i smsed shan, ask her if we could go sch together. den she told me that homunko, nik, clarisse, david, jiaheng and mayb zhang were going to her hse at 10am and asked if i wanna go too. i was wondering, if i din sms her, would she ask me to go? =X oh well, i chose to think otherwise. dun wanna ruin dis frenship. so i called david and ask if he confirm going shan's hse. he no hp, kena confiscated. so hadta call his hse.. hmm.. den he say he going and asked me to go along. i was quite hesitant cuz the people that r going r those who were angered by my class yest. den somehow, didi persuaded me to go and asked to go together. so i agreed and later we met up, took bus to shan's hse. the bus ride dere, we talked quite abit. and didi was kinda consoling me. he ask me not to think so much and that everythign will b ok.. felt a little better but still a little.. trumatised? =X anyway.. *thanks didi! hmm.. walking towards shan's hse that time, we saw nik n homunko walking out.den we saw shan n jia heng walking behind. homunko look so.. anxious? dunno wat word to use. den didi insisted that we go back to shan's hse. so we did. den i found out that homunko went to fetch clarisse. jiaheng was saying that homunko dun wan him le! haha. so funny. so gay! haha. den we all went to shan's room which is also the attic. so cool hor. she change her bed le. den still got extra mattress on the floor. haha. den soon clarisse n homunko came up. hmm.. i admit, the whole time at shan's hse, i wasnt myself. i was super quiet. i had alot of things on my mind. as david was polishing shan's guitar, i was thinking bout everything, esp piggy. how he was doing and everything. whether ivan is safe and whether jian an is still angry. just everything! den shan was constantly asking if i was ok. nik also. haix. den later i cheered up a little thanks to didi, jiaheng n homunko. they were so funny lah. haha. made me laugh laugh laugh. esp jiaheng. he really talk crap de loh. haha. his eng is SUPERB. if u say 'why like that?' den he will say 'why not like mum?' get the link? hahax. 'that' sounds like 'dad' mah. hahaha! lame sia.. after a while, we went to the netball court nearby and started playing. den it rained but we din care n continued playing. quite fun. reminded me of the 2e old times. we would go dere and practise. awww.. hmm.. after that we went back shan's hse, packed up and went to bedok BK to eat cuz shan got coupon. now economy not gd ok! muz save! haha. after that we rushed to sch.. meet lyndon at the interchange and met peck peck on the bus. haha. so many ppl pon sch loh. haha.

at sch, i was feeling kinda sucky again. cuz D class want rematch but my class peeps dun wan. half of me wants but half of me dun. so confused. felt so shitty once again. haix. den mariam say cannot rematch cuz that stupid new pe cher say once they sign the score sheet thingy den cannot rematch. sian. i dunno whether to b happy or sad. lame loh. but surprisingly, jian an was quite ok bout it. thank God he calmed the situation. x) hmm so game continue loh. den leon they all deduced that if 3H dun win 3D den we can forget bout getting into the finals le even if we win 3B. i was quite pissed off loh. i mean, no matter wat, we shld just try our best loh. put up a gd fite and play it well. haix. after saying them, i couldnt b bothered much le. so i walked over to didi and sat beside him. he was quite sad cuz his class lost. and that's cuz he nvr play. he kena caught for ponning sch den cany play. poor him. very unfair to him also cuz others din get caught. haix. i tried to cheer him up but i guess he was ok bah. den soon is was my class match against 3B. i think we all went on court wif a wrong mindset loh. with the mindset that even if we win, we cant get into the finals, so wat for play well? haix. that's so wrong loh. and we all played like shit. haix. issac so freaking tall. wat the loh. haix. watever lah. now begining to dislike my class. not united at all. unlike 3D. haix. 3D is like 2e'04 loh. similar in so many ways. got so many 2e-ans also. 24 girls in that class also just like 2e. haix. 3D won in the end. piggy so pro loh! from anywhere also can shoot! miss hardly any.. nik was very gd too! helped 3D to score quite alot as well. hmm.. after the sec3 matches, i sat at the table outside the gym wif didi and shan they all but i sat more to one side, alone. was quite sad and everything cuz of how shitty my class played. and yu quan can even shake his head when he walked past! was so angry loh. he think he so gd den he play lah! haix. den he give lots of excuses.. sian sia.. *God help me to forgive n forget!* haix.. den suddeenly, a miracle happened! piggy actually took initiative and came to talk to me!!! couldnt believe it. hehe. he asked me y i look so sad. den i was like like saying my class sucx loh. =X but that's cuz i was feeling very shitty at that time. den piggy said even tho he wanted my class to lose the match, he asked me dun b so sad loh. and he talked bout ivan and everything. even tho it was a short conversation, it was GREAT! i guess u can say, that's the mark of the start of a new frenship. x) really thank God.. anyway, glad that they won and not 3F bah.. and piggy really got alot of fans sia. everyone was cheering for 3D during the finals. seems like nobody was cheering for 3F. den when piggy scored, everyone cheered even louder. den i say 'distractions ah!' heh. cant help it. haix. gd for him bah. got alot of attention frm everywhere le. haix.. sian sia..

at 4.30, coach came le. so we hadta get ready for training while the winning classes went to receive their trophies. every class that got into the finals all got one athlete loh. only 1F dun have. hehe. hmm today training was more tiring den on tue loh. today not only did we do gym work, we also did repetitions! seven summore. tired seh! haha. was dead after training le. oh yah. halfway training, didi asked me to pon training and play netball cuz they not enuf player. all 2e one team loh. so nice. den i say cannot loh. the whole time training, i wasnt really concentrating. =X was always looking out for piggy. =X haha, stupid rite me.. hmm.. we all went home bout 6.50pm liddat. piggy also took 33. wah twice in a row le loh. haha. and dis time, he DID say bye to me when i alighted. i SAW n HEARD wif my own eyes and ears. hehe. finally, i see a glimmer of hope in my life. x) dun get it wrong. i was talking bout the frenship between us. tot it was dead but God revived it today! x) praise God! was quite happy too, despite the tiredness. hehe. den just now, talked to twinnie. felt good after pouring everything out. *thanks twinnie! u rock! x)* ok really SHAGGED liaox. heh. tmr got sch. hope i dun get caught for ponning. =X God help me.. oh ya.. think i hurt adidas badly. =X haix. so sorry. i shld reflect on my actions le. God help me again.. tmr is a brand new day.. hope things will get better....

haix.. yet another sucky day.. sometimes i really wonder how i go on everyday, with a smile that seems so real, when deep inside me, dere's so much hurt. it's like living a life full of lies.. but it is by God's grace that i pull thru every single day.. actually, i was so looking forward to today cuz it's the netball interclass and i enjoy playin netball and tot our class stand a chance to get into the finals. but i was partially wrong. almost everything went wrong today. haix. will talk bout wat happen. let's start wif the day first.. woke up a little late again as usual, rush to th bus stop and thank God, managed to get a sit, next to my neighbour. sian. =X so anyway, reach sch den supposed to do the card, but in the end, i rest my head on the table n slp. =X sian.. so sch was as usual, and during class time, we were discussing bout our tactics for netball. den tchen say we like gangsters liddat. stand and talk. haha. hmm den also got back chem results. thank God my results not bad. got 61/85. but hor, my combined sci A2 nia. missed a! by one mark. sian. hmm den at bout close to 2pm, everyone started talking bout interclass netball liaox. can tell every sec3 is looking forward to it. all have competitive hearts and i guess that's normal ba. cuz that's how i felt too. i mean, everyone wants to win rite? who wants to lose? hmm.. i guess just that the people in my class, their competitiveness is far far FAR stronger den others bah. which is both good and bad. haix.

ours was 2nd match loh. so at bout 2.30pm, everyone gathered le and discussed bout our tactics again. den i realised peck peck was missing! she had IPW presentation! den i panicked! i faster sms her and was on the verge of going into the lib when thank God, she came out. we talked for awhile den it's our turn le. scary sia. we all were quite nervous. hmm after a tough fite, we lost to 3H, 0-2. was quite disappointed tho. totwe stood a high chance of winning. =X oh well, i think it was mainly cuz my di, david, was not marked down, causing him to b able to control the game. he's gd anyway. x) hmm so after our first match, we sat down and evaluated our mistakes and decided on a new strategy. the next few matches was quite exciting esp the one where 3D vs 3B. wah.. piggy shoot in so many goals loh! den issac always obstruction den havta stand at the side. it was such a funny sight! haha. one BIG size, one SMALL size. hahaha! =X everyone was laughing loh. but i just realised piggy got alot of fans too. not only frm his class, but frm other classes too. everyone, mostly GIRLS, was like saying 'go piggy go piggy!' den i was alittle jealous lo. =X but i got over it le loh.. sian. but he really not bad sia. miss very few shots. so i was very worried bout playing against his class. but our next match was against 3E. we tot it would b an easy match cuz there were 6 girls n only ONE guy playing! but we were wrong. they werent easy at all. they even beat 3H! the class that won us.. in the end, by God's grace, we drew wif 3E. we were quite discouraged tho. cuz point diff we might lose out. den leon keep saying wat go home dun play. i was quite angry loh. den i told the team we must just do our best in watever i do. miracles may happen, by God's grace. i also prayed really hard for dis interclass. hmm. so we discussed our tactics again and evaluated our mistakes as we wait for our next match against 3D which turned out to b a nightmare. haix.

things were going quite smoothly actually. they score one we score one liddat. den suddenly b4 half time, a tragedy happened. dis is wat i HEARD happen. *anybody who noes wat REALLY happened, pls inform me. thanks.* hmm.. ivan was marking piggy, den piggy abit buai song so he pushed ivan. den ivan buai song push him back. and den slapped him! haix. cant believe that. they almost fite loh. wo xing tong. haix. =X den my di faster go up n stop them. den actually ivan lac liao. den jian an not happy den some words came out of his mouth and the next moment i saw ivan running towards jian an. and jian an was standing near me den i was damn scared loh. i could see the anger in both of their eyes. it was super scary, as if they were gonna kill someone. haix. and at the same time quite disappointed at ivan's reaction. haix.. no words can really describe my feelings at that time. i hadta stand by my classmate, yet i felt abit hurt. i was afraid piggy wud hate me. haix.. ivan and jian an really almost fite loh! den the guys faster stop them. haix. den ivan took off his beeps and went out of court. some ppl say wat this game disqualified den next game. i was quite angry at that time loh. i mean, already such a serious thing happen and they can still think bout carrying on?! haix. seriously, i was on the verge of crying. i din noe wat to do! disappointed wif my team. haix. i walked over to piggy and apologized and asked if he was ok.. and he said ya.. haix.. den i walked over to ivan and asked him to relax. darlene was dere and she told ivan to get back into the game cuz it's our ball cuz D class foul. but ivan say he dun wanna play liao and got sub. i really was gonna cry liaox but i held back the tears. den darlene say wat those wearing beeps get back on court. so obviously me loh. i dun really like her but i think she's a gd referee. firm in her decisions. that's wat i like. so i went back on court, thinking the game could resume. but some words came out of jian an's mouth again! haix. den ivan walked over, almost ready to fite but mr tay stopped them and gave them warning. den jian an calmed down. haix. i really really dunno wat to do liaox. game resumed and i kept on apologizing to jian an but he dun seem to bothering. can tell he was super angry. and when a person is angry, he cant play well de. so he missed intercepting all the balls and end up wif me shooting in and my class winning. haix. i admit, my class din win rightfully but i din noe wat to do. mayb u r thinking why shld i cry.. rite? that's cuz i was hurt when piggy was hurt. haix. my heart had failed me again. cuz dis only shows me that i still had feelings for him. and i cried also cuz i was so disappointed wif ivan. din expect him to do such things. and i felt bad. shan, nik they all seemed to b ignoring me after the match and i tot piggy was angry wif me too. the tot that kept flowing thru my mind was, 'they hate me!' haix.. i really really din noe wat to do. and after the match, i just burst into tears. couldnt help it. den my class peeps came over and asked me wat's wrong. one more thing. i felt i was a lousy capt too. to allow such things to happen. and i was afraid that they would really fite. i din wan anything to happen to any of them. haix. my frens all came over and comforted me and the guys told me it was normal and it'll b ok soon. but i couldnt help it. later, i overheard ppl saying wat jian an called his god bro who r gangsters to come! i was so scared! jian an is so scary.. =X actually i kinda stopped crying le. but after hearing wat's gonna happened, i couldnt take it le loh. so faster run to toilet. haix..

in the toilet, many tots came thru my mind. did i cause piggy to get hurt? mayb.. cuz i prayed for my class to win. or mayb not. does he hate me? yes he does! thinkin of everything, i cried even harder. i dun dare think wat's gonna happen next. things were already bad as they were cuz me n piggy din talk for close to a month and dis thing hadta happen? he prob think my class sux.. and everything.. haix. hatred wasnt wat i need now. frenship is all i ever wanted but i seemed to even lost dis chance. haix. truly, only God understands how i feel inside me. haix. den later, yeok fei and clar come to the toilet to look for me. i came out of the cubical, washed my face and assured them i was ok. den we walked to the canteen and packed our bags to go home. den didi came to cheer me up. somehow, as i think bout it, i started to tear again. haix. den we walked out together as we talked. he told me to smile. really glad he was dere for me. *thanks didi! we stopped under the routanda and talked as i waited for shuyi and clar to catch up. den somehow i cant stop the tears! argh.. den weiqi faster give me tissue. and i think shan saw and she came over. she comforted me and assured it wasnt my fault. haix. i could see piggy standing at one side. i tried to look strong in front of him but weak as i m, i failed to do so. haix. dis is prob the second time he saw me cry ba. haix. lousy me. den shan gave me a hug! felt a litte better. *huggs are the universal medicine!*

den me shuyi and clar walked out of sch first. i talked to them and they tried to cheer me up. den i crossed the overhead bridge while shuyi n clar walked to the tkg bus stop. at the other end, i could see yeokfei n stephen. both of them so sweet. standing together. :) den i looked down and saw piggy and the rest of the guys. didi was dere too. haix. when i reached the bus stop, i stood alone at one corner. when didi saw, he came over n talk to me. wheni asked him to go n talk wif the rest, he insisted that he stay n accompany me. i felt very comforted. *thanks for everything didi!* *but of cuz, nth beats feeling the peace of God. x)* den thama came over n talked too. soon, 33 came and the whole lot of us went up the bus. it was quite empty so all of us got a seat. piggy was sitting a few seats away. i talked to didi the whole bus ride until his stop. thank God his stop only one stop b4 mine if not i'll b so lonely. =X den when i alighting, kest, zhang, homunko and jia heng waved gd bye to me n thama. piggy also. i was quite happy actually. but den later i wondered if he was waving to me or thama. haix. oh well, life's like dis. full of uncertainties but only God has the answer.
later at nite, i went for g12. somehow, yireng and everyone else could tell i cried earlier on. =X felt so zi bei. yireng asked me to let it out but i told her i'm fine and will tell wat happened after g12. i asked for prayer request, asking God to take control of the situation and that nth will happen tmr.. thank you Lord! tmr..me not going sch.. so physically n mentally tired. on the verge on breaking down soon. physically only. feel sick but for 3g, i havta hold on. *God help me!* tmr will b a better day.. i hope..

whee.. today was quite a tiring day for me cuz dere was training! hehe. woke up a little late today den rushed out of the hse. surprisingly today 33 very little ppl leh. thank God, even tho i din manage to get a seat. hmm.. met yeokfei on the bus. din talk much tho cuz i was quite tired. hehe. dunno why leh. i slpt early last nite leh. 11 plus.. den still cant wake up on time.. sian.. hmm. in sch le den got back even more results. my compre add one more mark also! even tho i din pass but still wanna thank God. x) den my physics 2nd highest in class! woohoo! praise God! x) *sometimes God allows disappointments in our lives cuz he wanna test our faith in him :)* hist passed but overall plus ss fail. so fail combined humans. sian. chi din do so well also. i failed my chi compo as expected. even tho i wrote bout my true story, still failed. chi not gd enuf ba. hah.. here are my results for the rest of my subs:

eng - 62.5/110
phy - 64/85
hist - 26/50
chi - 61/100

hmm.. tmr getting back our last paper.. that is chem. praying hard that i'll do well. :) frankly, today i quite pissed off wif some ppl in my class. everytime we get back papers, first one to ask how much is me. jsut cuz for mid yr i got 1st in class, they all wanna beat me. and if that sub i din do well, already feeling so sad, they still come and fan wo, ask me how much i got. was really angry loh. i mean, doesnt mean i'm first in class, i'm good in EVERYTHING. haix. thank God he controlled my temper and gave me his peace. i will die without God. den today during pe also very angry. cuz actually supposed to practise for interclass netball de and is my class guys suggested doing that. in the end, they went to play soccer instead. so angry loh. cuz when we ask them to come to the netball court they refused. thank God my frens around me tried to calm me down. den back in class, i wanted to give them a good dressing down for going back on their word but thank God i din. instead, i made them promise they'll play netball for tmr's pe. muahaha. xP hmm.. during recess, saw david in the class. so went in to talk to him. den we were comparing skin colour and he mentioned bout going to sentosa for VANESSA'S BDAY. i was alittle surprised at wat he said. seriously, at that moment, i tot he said that just to not make me feel so, in a way, betrayed. =X after talking for awhile, i went down for recess. i also decided that i shld ask kest just to make things clear. hmm.. den after sch me n shuyi waited for the sec1 interclass netball to start. wanted to cheer our juniors on. hehe. gerald's class got into the finals! woohoo! hehe. x) congrats man.. oh ya.. at one point of time, shan came over and sat beside me. wanted to ask her bout the sentosa trip but i din. =X dun wanna say anything wrongly or wat. so i tot wisest choice was still to ask kest. hmm.. after the sec1 matches were over, we had a short match. netballers VS mostly non-netballers! wah.. we kena thrashed like siao.. haha. soon, i spotted COACH! haha! den we faster go get ready to train..

hmm.. we warm up le den do gym work.. one word to describe.. SHIOK! the gym was air-conditioned loh. so shuang. so cooling. today's training quite light loh. mostly stamina work. i need it sia. stmaina dropped like siao liaox.. my ankle almost gave way but thank God it din. muz go see sinseh le.. sian.. i still remember alvin ask me not to take God's mercy for granted.. *sorry God! give me more time! i will stop training soon.. =X* hmm.. after that den we played netball! woohoo! haha. but half court nia cuz very little ppl. my team rocks loh! thrash shuyi's team like siao. hehe. thank God i can shoot. x) den later ben gotta go home le. den shuyi say she dun wan to play. can tell she quite pissed off. =X cuz of that john loh. but nvm, bu yao ti le. so 6 left on court. 3 vs 3. girls vs guys! and we thrashed them 4-0! woohoo! girls rocks man! hehe. den we decided to go home loh. cuz so late le.. took bus wif gerald.. he very lame leh.. haha. always talk crap de. MOUNT ELIZABETH. HAHAHA! it's supposed to b east shore hospital loh! haha. funny seh.. reach home le den eat, bathe, use com le loh. hehehe. den just now talked to kest. found out that' it's really true and piggy went to. after that still went to her hse to stay. haix. but he assured me nth happened loh and alot of ppl went. i abit jealous lah. =X but wat can i do? i have no right to probe into his matters liaox. i thank God i beginning to see things on the brighter side. and i'm also seeing the bigger and better picture that God is providing me wif. x) thank God!

hmm.. sec3s interclass netball tmr! gogogo! 3g u can do it! x) jiayou jiayou! *God help us!*

haix.. wat a shitty day today.. feeling lousy once again.. well, started the day wif no place to sit in the bus. duno why but somehow just felt bu shuang about it cuz i rushed to the bus stop, hoping to catch the earlier bus so can sit but i din make it in time. hmm.. reach sch le den dun feel like doing anything so just rest my head on my table and took out my mp3 to hear. den my phone suddenly vibrated. justyn called me, told me he got tie to lend me.. in case u dunno, i hung my tie over my shoulder last week and it dropped without me knowing. so sucky.. den i also dun wanna buy new one cuz so ex plus i only got one more yr in tk and i only need it on monday. so i borrowed loh. actually asked frm mr rizal le but scared he back out on me. =X so asked justyn loh. btw he's my er zi. hehe. x) so i went to his class and took the tie frm him. after that, me, shuyi and clar went to zl's class to give her her bday present. went to look for nik first but realised she din go sch today. as i was outside 3D classrm, david walked over and said sth like 'can fite already!'. den i was like huh? den he compared our skin colour. WHOA. he became so dark! den he told me he went sentosa, think it slipped off his tongue tho. haix. den shan came out of the class and i asked her if she went to sentosa too. she hesitated for while den said yea. i tried to sound happy and everything, but actually, i'm not. i felt, in a way, betrayed. mayb they din jio me out cuz they din like my presence? or mayb bcuz piggy's going den they scared sth will go wrong? but watever the case is, i still felt betrayed. and the feeling sux. haix. after awhile, den went for assembly le. surprisingly, piggy was at the assembly plaza le. today, i tried very hard not to look at him le. i succeeded quite alittle by God's grace. oh well, after that it was really doom for me as we got back our results. it's like alternate gd and bad. sux loh. haix.

ss - 19/50 *i FAILED!
eng - 61.5/110 *not say gd but better den usual.
a math - 58.5/100 *like shit! even tho hardly anyone passed. haix. HARIT GOT 71.5/100!! FREAK!
math - 81/100 *my best sub
geog - 59/100 * most ppl fail too. thank God i improved
hist[[sourcebased]] - 13/25 *not gd either.

haix.. see wat i mean when i said alternate gd and bad? so sucky loh.. den after i got back my ss, cant believe i was laughing loh. got my feelings all mixed up! got my feelings all WRONG!! so WRONG!! haix.. after i got back a math, i was like going to cry but i cant cry! WHY?! everything's bottled inside me and that feeling sux! i wanna cry it out but i cant.. it's so xing ku.. my heart's so heavy.. and i keep holding on to my chest. so painful.. wat shld i do.. God help me..! haix.. anyway, after sch was the sec2s interclass netball and i stayed thru out. din wanna go home and din have anywhere to go so stayed in sch and watched. piggy was dere too. but guess it din mean anything to him. saw him talking to a bunce of sec4 girls ALONE. felt so hurt, so jealous. really hate that feeling. haix.. jealousy is a sin, i noe. God help me! haix. i feel that i'm drifting further away frm God too. *pls Lord, bring me back to u! dun leave me..* haix.. the sec2s matches were boring. =X felt bad that me, shuyi and clar made alot of comments bout the ppl who played. sorry God. =X den after awhile, piggy and a whole group of guys left the sch, going to jian rui's bbq. so they're prob having fun now. hope they dun tempt piggy to drink alcohol. haix. after everything was over, we packed up and went home.

33 was quite full when it came. thank God i managed to go up the bus but i was the least person. kenglai was infront of me. he's so weird. =X cuz when ppl alighted, den he didnt move in. he stood next to the tapping machine, as if telling me to go in cuz i was stepping on the stairs. mayb he was concerned that i may fall or sth. hehe. oh well, thanks anyway. x) den after a short journey, here i am at home. went to see adidas blog den realised that i've hurt him by treating him differently. i felt bad but i couldnt help it. =X but anyway, twinnie said i shld try to treat him as a fren and not b so cold towards him and also, dun let him noe bout piggy or he'll b even more hurt. but in dis way, i feel like i'm cheating on his feelings. =X but twinnie is right. that's the best way out, for now. haix. dun wish to hurt anybody else in my life. dunno howta break the bad news to my mum either. i am her only hope. how would she feel if i told her i did so badly dis time round? i'm gonna hurt her so badly.. haix.. how how how.. feeling so shitty rite now.. in a shitty situation and the only thing i can do is to pray for God's mercy upon my life.....

DOES ANYBODY HEAR HER?

She is running
100 Miles an hour
In the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyons ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadverture just to find
she's another 2 years older and she's 3 more steps behind

Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
Lord does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeplewith all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in,to ride in and save the day
And then walks in her prince charmingand he knows just what to say
A momentary lapse of reason and she gives herself away

Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
Lord does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeplewith all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?

If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Who can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

He is running, 100 miles an hour, in the wrong direction..

that's me.. dunno where i'm running, but in the wrong direction.. haix..

tmr sec1 netball interclass.. gogogo! and track training resumes! woot.. x)

woo.. it's sunday again! heh.. time to go church, praise God and hear the word of God. x) hmm woke up at 8am plus today den got ready and went to church. it was a long journey dere and a thinking one too. normally, i'll b slping on my way dere. but dis time, i was thinking thru out, thinking of piggy and the times we spent together. thinking bout other things also. my family, frens and my life. hmm.. think think think den bu zhi bu jue den reach yishun le. so we alighted and took the shuttle bus to church. actually kyna wanna sit wif me on the bus, but mid dun let her. hehe. i think ever since that day we quarelled over the sms even tho we sat next to each other, we became closer den b4. x) thank God for that. reach church le den i went to cafeteria to eat. so hungry loh. hehe. den twinnie come and find me. felt so bad that she hadta stand and watch me eat cuz dere's wasnt enuf space. =X sorry twinnie. after that den went up to the providence to practise our parts. in case u dunno, me n my sis are back-up singers at rzone. hehex. at bout 10.45am, we went downstairs le. den saw adidas but pretended not to see him. =X dunno why but just.. liddat loh.. haix.. so anyway went up to the promise and soon enuf, worship started. i love worshipping God. it just expresses my feelings towards God which i cant do it in words. felt so good. x) hmm. after church, me n twinnie supposed to go out. but in the end, ethan, weisheng and adidas went along. was abit irritated at first when i heard that adidas was going. i mean, i just dun really like his presence. actually, not exactly lah. it's just that too much of it and i'm sick of it. he's like sticking to me like glue loh. i buay tahan. in the mrt, he actually standing opposite me but den later try to find a way to stand next to me den i faster move back. sian loh. haix. thank God ethan tagged along. if not ppl sure think we on double date. it'll b worst if i had met piggy. haix.

we alighted at orchard loh.. den went to kino cuz ethan wanted to buy books to read. the whole time dere, me and twinnie tried to hide frm weisheng and adidas. they like following us loh. den we faster find ethan. he like our jiu xing. hehe. really thank God the whole time ethan was dere. hmm.. after that we went to heeren to take neoprint le loh. den sometimes when i walking alone behind den he will purposely slow down his pace just to walk wif me de loh. really buai tahan. can see my face damn black but i din care. =X sorry lah but i just cant help it. if he continue doing that, he'll lose his SECOND chance of being frens wif me. haix. he's letting history repeat itself again loh. dunno why twinnie ask both of them to go also. haix. but she felt bad so she say friday we go out again, but just the two of us. thanks twinnie! x) hmm.. the five of us took neoprints twice loh. the second time kinda sux cuz i hadta sit next to him. he of cuz happy loh. den decorate that time, twinnie actually put a heart btween us! i really hate that pic loh. so i took the small one. see le also angry. i really dun like ppl to do that loh. keep putting us together. den when i ask twinnie why she do that, den she say once in a while let him happy loh. haix. den i qi xiao abit.. but shldnt b to my disadvantage also mah.. haix. watever loh. it's over le. today, as u can tell frm my tone, my xing qing not so gd. so sorry ah.. haix.. den later twinnie go take card neo wif her gege den i go cut out the neoprints. at first me ethan and adidas was dere. den later ethan say he want go buy shoe so lef t me n adidas dere. i think he could tell i abit buai song loh. i felt abit weird. hate it when only the both of us are alone. dun even wanna see anybody. haix. den after that i took neoprint wif twinnie again! dis time, JUST THE TWO OF US! so SHIOK! hehe. is was the nicest neoprint i took today loh! hahax! x) after that we went home le loh.. on the mrt, i stood a dist away from him even tho we were so called standing NEXT to each other. but watver loh. i din care. den they all alighted at dhoby ghaut except for ADIDAS. i was like "OMG. wat are you doing? arent u suppose to alight?' den he was like 'it's ok, i send u home.' i was so pissed off loh. but i din show it cuz i was PLEADING him NOT to send me home. i was like PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DUN! haix. just dun wan loh. summore just the two of us. wat will ppl think? and it'll b so weird. i HATE it. haix. thank God he listened to me and alighted. if not i'll b SUPER DUPER angry. think i kinda hurt him too. =X but i had no choice. twinnie once told me that adidas is on the verge of finding out about piggy. dese few days, he kept wanting to see my hp but i refused cuz i knew he will surely find out about piggy. i din wanna hurt his feelings that's y i dun lend him my hp. but if he knows bout piggy and lets me go, i think it'll b great that he knows. haix. i've hurt too many ppl in my life already and i dun intend to hurt anymore. pls.. dun make me hurt those who care n love me.. haix.. *God, help me..*

so anyway, reach home le den mummy tell me say we going out to eat. den i was like wah.. dun wan tell me earlier den i meet them straight dere.. but anyway, they quickly got changed and we left for sakae and bugis junction cuz they wanted to rush back to watch shanghai knights. hehe.i come back, bathe le den started doing a thank you card for clar. hahax. x) den wrote her letter den pack bag den hear blogging le loh. hehe. wah alot of ppl ask me wat to bring loh. sian. i also dunno wat to bring. double sian. tmr gotta go sch n get back results. TRIPLE sian. haix. results.. here i DUN WANNA COME.. aww.. doom day tmr.........

ah.. another day has passed.. time flies huh.. well, today i went to jurong east wif clar, JUST to get my mp3 repaired. so far lo. the other time my couz help me get it repaired le. so dis time dun wanna trouble him, so i went myself lo.. den i tot clar also need go dere buy sth so she went wif me loh. but later i found out she went dere JUST to pei wo. wah.. i felt so bad loh.. den keep thanking her.. wat a gd nu-er. mummy loves u! wahahax. x) hmm den reach jurong le den we go IMM cuz my couz told me it's beside IMM. but when we asked the lady at the information counter, she showed us the map den like so far loh. den me n clar was like, 'wah.. that is called NEXT to IMM..' den we both started laughing. hahax. x) we decided to took cab lo.. dis is lke the 3rd time i'm taking cab in 2 days. haix. felt so 'wasting money'.. reach the creative tech building le den we go in. clar say wat scared they say we trespassing den catch us. i was dere laughing lo. hahax! she can b so blur at times. hehe. like mother like daughter. haha! den we hadta wait a looooooooong time just for our turn lo. 1 and a half hour leh! sian. haix. den cuz late for heart.sports le so i hadta take cab AGAIN. 4th time in two days. wat a waste of money. haix. reach dere le den i faster get change into sports attire den not long den the match start le lo. piggy look-alike was dere too. let's call him doggie. hmm. dunno why but doggie gives me a piggy feeling. even their names start wif the same letter. haix. oh well, so the game started and it was a really rough one. i guess atlantic dolphins r really desperate to win. =X we still played fairly tho. the injuries we MIGHT have cause, is really unintentional. but anyway, dis is how bball is, ROUGH. and that's y i hate it. sorry to all bball player but BBALL SUX. =X so many injuries today. lynette's one was the worst. she actually hit her head against the floor. THUD and den OUCH. hurts lo. it made such a loud sound. den pastor immediately prayed for her and every1 layed hands on her. hopefully by God's grace, she's ok now. x) we won in the end. thank God! :) so came in third. hehe. not bad le loh. dolphins always sux at bball. haha! so anyway, we couldnt squeeze into yi reng's car so me n bernice went to eat dinner wif twinnie they all instead. doggie went along too. dunno why but i felt alittle happy. =X

hmm.. it was a long journey to hougang. i purposely put stuff beside me so adidas couldnt sit. =X dunno why but i just dun like sitting next to him. haix. den later dunno why twinnie, weisheng and all moce in front. den dennis also wanna move but no space so i cleared space for him lo. hehex. den hor, we exchanged phones w/o adidas knowing. i noe he wanted to see my phone, prob wanna find out wat i've been hiding. but i just din wanna hurt his feelings cuz my phone inside got stuff bout piggy and me. so i only let dennis see loh. he told me when he saw the folder 'him', he din open cuz he respected me. 'consoled' by wat he said, i showed him a photo of piggy and kest and me n piggy. hahax. x) we finally reach kovan and went to eat at the chong pang nasi lemak dere. doggie sat opposite me. felt so weird that i hardly look at his direction. =X hmm. den later he play the ice loh! exactly like piggy! crush the ice in the mouth den use straw and blow it at ppl. exactly like piggy.. haix.. tat's y i say he gives me the piggy feeling. after eating, we walked to the bus stop. i couldnt stop looking at the stars in the sky cuz it means so much to me and that is wat my blog is about too - starx. haix. when we were on the bus, twinnie and ber made me stand next to adidas. i HATE it when they do that. esp they knew that i still havent gotten over piggy. i dun mean to hurt his feelings but i hate it when ppl always put us together as an item. it really irritates me and i really hate it. that's y in the bus my face so blacked. adiddas tried to talk to me but my answers were short. i din care, he asked for it. =X haix. *piggy.. i miss you* as i reached home, i walked the path he used to hold my hand and walk wif me home. i really felt like crying but i couldnt. so i just looked up into te sky full of starx and tot bout our past. but i noe all i gotta do is to trust God. x) after a bath, here i m blogging. hehe. oh ya. did i mention my dad got me a guitar??!! no rite??!! it's INCREDIBLE. LOVE YA DAD! <3 hehex. i learnt 4 chords le. hahax. weisheng teach me de. david's gonna teach me soon, hopefully. ^_^ oh well, im TIRED. aching everywhere. think i over-sported. *p.s i just created that word. hehe.* ok i'll stop here.. time to rest.. hehe.. outing wif twinnie tmr, HERE I COME! x)

phew.. i'm finally home, blogging! today was another looooong day for me.. early morning went to meet shan and david at bedok interchange to go sch together. i was dere first den david and as usual, shan was late. wahaha. when me and david was alone, it felt weird. =X i mean, i din wan anybody to get the wrong idea. that's bcuz piggy [[used to b called chocolate]] still has a place in my heart. sorry didi. hope u understand.. so anyway, we took 33 and reached sch bout 7.45am. den we took the netballs out and started shooting. i went to ran 10 rounds ard the netball court instead cuz i felt 'unfit', hadta run.. hehex.. x) hmm.. bout 8am, ppl frm 3e and 3g started coming in.. so when we had enuf ppl, we had match. so fun! running here and dere.. it seems like all my troubles were gone.. so carefree cuz all i tot was bout the game.. but that was all temporal. den piggy came.. i tried to pretend his presence din make any diff but it din work. just cant stop myself frm looking at piggy. haix. so shi bai loh.. me noe piggy has moved on le and piggy has also changed alot but why i shi zong cant forget piggy leh.. haix.. God's will ba.. i just wanna trust in the Lord! x) so anyway, the whole time we were just playing and playing. and i practised my shooting. dun wanna let my class down during the real game. den our last match was agains the sec4s. the sec3 team was made up of homunko, piggy, kest, umesh, jeff, lyn and shan and me took turns. we were losing the first third but the second n last thrid we were winning so overall i think we won. hehex. den i faster go change le.. cuz i was late! was supposed to go twinnie's hse. i keep on delaying the time loh. felt so bad. =X sorry twinnie..

i took a cab down to her hse. den showered and eat and watch a christian show. den me and twinnie went into the room to talk. she had so much to say. bout her strawberry. she was in about the same situation as me. so she told me everything and showed me the memories of strawberry she had. and i realised, she had more memories of her and strawberry than me and piggy. sad case.. i knew she was crying as i look thru her memories.. and as i did so, tears started to well up in my eyes. i dunno why, but her strawberry reminded me of piggy. it was just so sad that i couldnt help the tears. haix. *God, help us both! help us to have faith in u Lord! and to have ur peace..* haix. soon it was time to go to church as weisheng had prayer meeting. on the bus to church, weisheng and twinnie made addidas sit beside me! so evil! i mean, i noe he likes me and is a nice guy. but the feelings just isnt dere. i was cold towards him at one point of time cuz he started to get a little irritating. but later God told me i was wrong to do so. so i decided i shld give him a chance to b frens. so yea.. frens.. i nvr tot more than that. besdies, i still had piggy in my heart. but he alittle always sticking to me leh. =X den one thing i cant stand is he tries to act cute sometimes! haix.. just be yourself.. so anyway, we alighted at the stop after yishun mrt and took 804. i sat wif jiamin in the bus and dere was a baby and her mum opposite us. den jiamin asked me, "do u wanna have babies next time?" den i was like, "dunno leh." deep down inside, i was thinking about piggy. he once told lyn that he wanted to have 11 children. football team mah. and when he told me, i kinda change the topic. i din wanna think bout marriage, at least not now. but nik and the book which i'm reading now, proved me SO WRONG. both tells me that the person whom i stead wif, shld b someone whom i would want to marry.. haix. *piggy, i'm really sorry i disappoint you and dashed all ur happiness. i really regret the things i said and done. i really wish i could turn back time..* haix. so when we reached church, it was still quite early so we sat at one corner and chatted. i felt so lethargic. was so shagged and burnt out! so lazy to move anywhere. thank God i managed to stay awake during the service and capture the message, 'not by chariots, not by horses', that is, we need God and we muz depend on n trust in him for he will bring ur thru. x) thank you Lord.. hmm after service, i went wif twinnie to look for pastor dale to pray for her. she was afraid that her spiritual life would get affected, after all that has happened so she wanted prayer and asked me to pei ta. i shld have done that earlier but i nvr tot of that. =X as pastor prayed and i layed hands on her, i could feel the sadness within her. she was trembling, probably crying. den, tears startedto row down my cheek too. i dunno how, i dunno why, but i just felt like crying. haix. twinnie, muz jia you k! jiejie will always b behind u de! jiayoujiayou! x)

after hof, we made our way to coconut groove. the journey dere was a 'tried to slp but failed' one for me. hahax. all the way dere, dennis was tring to wake me up but poking me at the sides. pain leh! hahax. was alittle 'awaken' by him. and den they played dunno wat 'shuai ya shuai ya shuai ya shuai' game. very lame de la. haha. dere, we played taboo till bout 11.50pm den some ppl got ready the cake for jiamin! they switched off the lights and gave jiamin a surprised! wenyi even brought a guitar to play the bday song! so sweet. x) den they ask jiamin to wish, which is pray, and to say amen when she's done. at the word amen, nic and weisheng actually smashed her face wif whipped cream! awww.. poor jiamin but i'm sure she had fun! x) after that, mokkie kena also! haha! so funny! i took pics of him too. hehex. den bout 12.30am, me n my sis decided to leave le. we both were tired. so here i m now, blogging, shagged, totally burnt out.. gotta go slp soon. tmr going jurong to get my mp3 repaired too. okie.. stopping here.. another sporty day tmr.. playing bball! against reg B. God help us! x) gogogo!

woot! played netball today! hahax. bascially, today was supposed to go sch at 8am to practise for interclass netball. but as usual, i woke up late. hehex. thank God i still managed to reach dere on time.. actually 7.55am lo.. hehex.. when i went into the sch, i was quite shock to see that leon, liang jing and yeok fei were already dere. ok la.. it's expected that yeok fei may b early.. but LEON? LIANG JING? i kena shock lo.. hahax! so anyway, we waited awhile b4 shan came wif wan feng and david to help take the netballs and the netball stand out. and den we started playing! hahax. we tried shooting in first and found out i could shoot! heh.. actually tha time during pe lesson, i found out i could shoot le. hahax. thank God for that talent. x) den after that, we decided to have match, wif 3e. but cuz they not enuf ppl, shan, wan feng and david play in their team. my class even had one reserve lo. so surprising. hehex. x) 3g netball team rocks man! x) hahax. but 2e'04 netball team rocks more! xD ohm an.. miss 2e'04 at the mention of netball. we won two years in a row leh.. now we all in diff classes.. sad case.. but we still gonna strive for the best in our own classes now.. i'm sure we'll smile when we see each other on court, now playing AGAINST each other. kinda sad but dis is life. x hmm.. yepx. so we had match and my class was actually leading by 1 point. den they scored two in a row. sad man. hahax. i think my class defence is strong. Leon and Liang Jing is good. heh. but attack side abit weak. GIRLS! C'MON! be more ENTHU! YOU ALL CAN DO IT! GOGOGO! hehex. x) after that, we break awhile den the sectwos come play le. cant really stand them lo. =X i think my batch the level the best lo. most fun. oh well.. so after that we rest rest rest, wait wait wait.. wait until finally our turn to play but we cant find opponent. -_- pathetic man. so the guys decided to go home first. den the girls like still wanna play so they waited for ahwile.. but still din get their chance so they went home first.. but for me.. i really had the urge to play.. hahax! so waited lo.. den finally found team but the sec1s wanna use.. sickening leh.. hahax! so FINALLY FINALLY, we got our turn. den me, shan, david, imee, sky and justyn one team. woohoo. fun man.. we played until like 1.45pm den some of them gotta go liaox. so we stopped the game and got changed and went back.

me shan and david took 33 den david alighted first and me n shan alighted at kembangan mrt. hahax. den we decided to go cheers n eat cuz we were STARVING.. hahax. so we bought some bread and ICE CREAM! yum yum.. den we sat at the steps dere, like some kind of begger.. hahaX! such a funny site.. den later my dad came.. and we went to see Dr Gerard to treat my pimple prob. =X cant stand the way i look sumtimes. =X haix. finally God provided me wif some help. hopefully, by God's grace, the cleanser and toner will work. i will pray hard. x) i want my self-confidence back sia. and i wanna stop feeling insulted. haix. God, have mercy!! =X haix. so anyway, i hadta bring my dad's BIG NERDY-LOOKING bag home cuz he wanted to have coffee wif Dr Gerard. oh well. HAD to do it. sian. hmm so went home and i slept! oh my. i woke up at 7pm lo. so piggy! hahax. was damn tired cuz last nite slpt quite late. =X hahax. yepx. so woke up and had dinner, bathe den use com.. den blog le lo. haha. now talking to miswan.. recalling the old 2e'04 times.. awww.. really miss those days.. so carefree.. miss all the laughter.. jokes.. fun.. we won interclass comps as a class and lost as a class.. dere was so much unity.. and we were enthu in everything.. we had each other backs.. awww.. 2E'04!! i miss you guys!! miss the times we had together!! i nvr had a class liddat b4.. so sad.. now we're all in diff classes, leading diff lifes.. really treasure the memories we had together.. sad case man.. aww.. oh well.. tmr playing netball again! hehex. meeting david n shan at bedok mrt at 7.20am.. chocolate's going too.. but prob later.. dunno howta face him tho.. haix.. let God handle it ba.. netball.. HERE I COME!! whee~ x)

whoa.. it's the second day after the EOY exams. went out again.. dis time wif shuyi and clar.. hahax. today started off wif me waking up at 11 plus. thank God wasnt late. so dressed up and den went out. was wearing a new shirt and had new shoe laces. hehex.. wore a skirt today too. all of us did. x) it was planned de.. hahax.. so we met up at dhoby ghaut mrt at 12.30 as plan. and as usual, shuyi was late again. hahax! =P i was late by one min nia. clar was early..As USUAL. hahax. so after meeting up, went to buy tickets. was gonna watch corpse bride.. the show is quite ok la but abit stupid lo. hahax. i mean it's not realistic enuf. ok fine.. it's a cartoon. wat can i expect rite? hahax. so yea.. buy tickets den go eat our lunch.. met martin they all at the food court but they din c us. hahax. den later went bloomington cuz nik wanted to get lame stuff for her door. saw peck ki, qinyu, fann and wenyu on the way dere. they also planned, all wear skirt. hahax. x) but wenyu skirt looked alittle small for her. =X hehex. yupx. so after she's done den went to the cinema. whoa.. alot of ppl. hahax. it was a 1hr10min show. so short lo. haha. expected at least 1and a half hour. hahax.. when we came out of the theatre, we kinda lost our way.. like blur pigs.. just following ppl in front of us and going to dead ends. haha. and finally, clar found the way out! woohoo! hahax! :) hmm after that shopped awhile at plaza sing den walked to heeren cuz wan take neoprint. hahax.

so dere we go.. walking to heeren and shuyi hadta see a beetle car!! "knock" dere goes my head. u c.. shuyi's 'policy' is when u c a beetle car, u're supposed to knock the other ppl on their heads b4 they say "chop!" haha.. and as u noe.. i'm SLOW, always the SLOWEST. so i always get knocked on the head. :( sad case. hahax. oh well.. so we finally reached heeren and took neoprint. the machine sux! so we decided to go cine to take another time. as we walked out, clar could tell i wasnt being myself as i was quieter den usual. so she asked me why and i told her i wanna see him. and that i have a yu gan[[instinct]] that i will see him here.. here as in orchard area.. and she just smiled at me. hahax. i tried to b myself again. talking and laughing and walking. as we walked into cine, guess wat? i saw HIM! freaky huh.. he was wif homunko. i was shocked.dumbfound.stunned. i din noe howta react. so both groups just walked past each other as if we din see each other. oh well, at least the smile on his face din turn into a frown when he see me. that's the least thing i can b happy about. x) i was still suffering frm a state of shock as we walked to the neoprint shop. now's nik turn to c the one she love. lyn was dere.. together wif shanti,saira,vanessa,clarisse and david. was quite surprised cuz they nvr jio us go out! hmph.. nah i'm fine wif that.. but nik wasnt so happy. i guess i understand how it feels. at least chocolate wasnt wif them when i saw him. if not i think i'll b as sad as her. so we decided to leave the shop and walk ard first. went back dere after a while and they were gone. so we took pic and was on our way home.

off we go.. bought a snicker bar at 7-11 first cuz had a craving for chocolate. hehex. yum yum.. den went home. at the mrt, saw another CAK bag. the 13th one le. hahax. after dinner, i went for G12.. alvin teased me again! for my tanned skin. so i call him a racist! hahax. plus the other time he had sth against peanuts. so now i call him racist and peanutist! haha. LAME. so yea went home bout 10 plus. so here i am blogging again.. talked to shan just now and told her how i really felt.. seriously, i have given up on the tot of me and him being gf and bf again. all i want now is to be frens but he doesnt seem to b giving me a chance. i noe i might have irritated him wif my feelings by asking for a patch twice so mayb he hates me now.. i guess i cant blame him.. just waiting for that day when we can b frens again. oh well.. that's all for today. netball practice tmr! woohoo! x) gogogo!

V I R N I C E
there's no one else like me cause' God made me special. (:
virnice
eighteen
10.09.90
andersonjc
childofGOD
evangelite
dolphins
drummer
RUNNER
HURDLER.

LOVES God; chocoates&icecream; sports; family&frens; sleeping.
DISLIKES smokers; exams; vegetables; cockroaches&lizards!


visitors
with currently viewing.

go around the world.
laptop.
ipod.
grow taller.
grow thinner.
PROMOTE
top 8 for NATS.
improve drumming
sling bag/haversack
ace the As!

.alex
.alsyaari
.andrew
.angela
.austin
.benjamin
.berlin
.bernice
.bertrice
.bertrum
.christine
.chooshuin
.debra
.elvia
.esther
.ethan
.ernest
.evangel
.gabriel
.gina
.huikhoon
.ice
.ivan
.jasmine
.jexx
.jovin
.junying
.justinKHAW
.kangseng
.kenneth
.kent
.melissa
.michelle
.midori
.nelvin
.nelwyn
.nicholas
.nikki
.ppk
.quanhui
.rico
.rongjie
.royston
.samuel
.shaoming
.shanti
.shirley
.stephanie
.terence
.thilaiga
.TK+TMS
.tingzhe
.wanyi
.weisheng
.wenyi
.xiangxiang
.xuan
.yin lai
.yongyong
.yuanting
.zhimin
.zoe
.06/07

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