Wednesday, October 19, 2005
10:15 PM Y
my heart has failed me again..
♥ just the girl.
haix.. yet another sucky day.. sometimes i really wonder how i go on everyday, with a smile that seems so real, when deep inside me, dere's so much hurt. it's like living a life full of lies.. but it is by God's grace that i pull thru every single day.. actually, i was so looking forward to today cuz it's the netball interclass and i enjoy playin netball and tot our class stand a chance to get into the finals. but i was partially wrong. almost everything went wrong today. haix. will talk bout wat happen. let's start wif the day first.. woke up a little late again as usual, rush to th bus stop and thank God, managed to get a sit, next to my neighbour. sian. =X so anyway, reach sch den supposed to do the card, but in the end, i rest my head on the table n slp. =X sian.. so sch was as usual, and during class time, we were discussing bout our tactics for netball. den tchen say we like gangsters liddat. stand and talk. haha. hmm den also got back chem results. thank God my results not bad. got 61/85. but hor, my combined sci A2 nia. missed a! by one mark. sian. hmm den at bout close to 2pm, everyone started talking bout interclass netball liaox. can tell every sec3 is looking forward to it. all have competitive hearts and i guess that's normal ba. cuz that's how i felt too. i mean, everyone wants to win rite? who wants to lose? hmm.. i guess just that the people in my class, their competitiveness is far far FAR stronger den others bah. which is both good and bad. haix.
ours was 2nd match loh. so at bout 2.30pm, everyone gathered le and discussed bout our tactics again. den i realised peck peck was missing! she had IPW presentation! den i panicked! i faster sms her and was on the verge of going into the lib when thank God, she came out. we talked for awhile den it's our turn le. scary sia. we all were quite nervous. hmm after a tough fite, we lost to 3H, 0-2. was quite disappointed tho. totwe stood a high chance of winning. =X oh well, i think it was mainly cuz my di, david, was not marked down, causing him to b able to control the game. he's gd anyway. x) hmm so after our first match, we sat down and evaluated our mistakes and decided on a new strategy. the next few matches was quite exciting esp the one where 3D vs 3B. wah.. piggy shoot in so many goals loh! den issac always obstruction den havta stand at the side. it was such a funny sight! haha. one BIG size, one SMALL size. hahaha! =X everyone was laughing loh. but i just realised piggy got alot of fans too. not only frm his class, but frm other classes too. everyone, mostly GIRLS, was like saying 'go piggy go piggy!' den i was alittle jealous lo. =X but i got over it le loh.. sian. but he really not bad sia. miss very few shots. so i was very worried bout playing against his class. but our next match was against 3E. we tot it would b an easy match cuz there were 6 girls n only ONE guy playing! but we were wrong. they werent easy at all. they even beat 3H! the class that won us.. in the end, by God's grace, we drew wif 3E. we were quite discouraged tho. cuz point diff we might lose out. den leon keep saying wat go home dun play. i was quite angry loh. den i told the team we must just do our best in watever i do. miracles may happen, by God's grace. i also prayed really hard for dis interclass. hmm. so we discussed our tactics again and evaluated our mistakes as we wait for our next match against 3D which turned out to b a nightmare. haix.
things were going quite smoothly actually. they score one we score one liddat. den suddenly b4 half time, a tragedy happened. dis is wat i HEARD happen. *anybody who noes wat REALLY happened, pls inform me. thanks.* hmm.. ivan was marking piggy, den piggy abit buai song so he pushed ivan. den ivan buai song push him back. and den slapped him! haix. cant believe that. they almost fite loh. wo xing tong. haix. =X den my di faster go up n stop them. den actually ivan lac liao. den jian an not happy den some words came out of his mouth and the next moment i saw ivan running towards jian an. and jian an was standing near me den i was damn scared loh. i could see the anger in both of their eyes. it was super scary, as if they were gonna kill someone. haix. and at the same time quite disappointed at ivan's reaction. haix.. no words can really describe my feelings at that time. i hadta stand by my classmate, yet i felt abit hurt. i was afraid piggy wud hate me. haix.. ivan and jian an really almost fite loh! den the guys faster stop them. haix. den ivan took off his beeps and went out of court. some ppl say wat this game disqualified den next game. i was quite angry at that time loh. i mean, already such a serious thing happen and they can still think bout carrying on?! haix. seriously, i was on the verge of crying. i din noe wat to do! disappointed wif my team. haix. i walked over to piggy and apologized and asked if he was ok.. and he said ya.. haix.. den i walked over to ivan and asked him to relax. darlene was dere and she told ivan to get back into the game cuz it's our ball cuz D class foul. but ivan say he dun wanna play liao and got sub. i really was gonna cry liaox but i held back the tears. den darlene say wat those wearing beeps get back on court. so obviously me loh. i dun really like her but i think she's a gd referee. firm in her decisions. that's wat i like. so i went back on court, thinking the game could resume. but some words came out of jian an's mouth again! haix. den ivan walked over, almost ready to fite but mr tay stopped them and gave them warning. den jian an calmed down. haix. i really really dunno wat to do liaox. game resumed and i kept on apologizing to jian an but he dun seem to bothering. can tell he was super angry. and when a person is angry, he cant play well de. so he missed intercepting all the balls and end up wif me shooting in and my class winning. haix. i admit, my class din win rightfully but i din noe wat to do. mayb u r thinking why shld i cry.. rite? that's cuz i was hurt when piggy was hurt. haix. my heart had failed me again. cuz dis only shows me that i still had feelings for him. and i cried also cuz i was so disappointed wif ivan. din expect him to do such things. and i felt bad. shan, nik they all seemed to b ignoring me after the match and i tot piggy was angry wif me too. the tot that kept flowing thru my mind was, 'they hate me!' haix.. i really really din noe wat to do. and after the match, i just burst into tears. couldnt help it. den my class peeps came over and asked me wat's wrong. one more thing. i felt i was a lousy capt too. to allow such things to happen. and i was afraid that they would really fite. i din wan anything to happen to any of them. haix. my frens all came over and comforted me and the guys told me it was normal and it'll b ok soon. but i couldnt help it. later, i overheard ppl saying wat jian an called his god bro who r gangsters to come! i was so scared! jian an is so scary.. =X actually i kinda stopped crying le. but after hearing wat's gonna happened, i couldnt take it le loh. so faster run to toilet. haix..
in the toilet, many tots came thru my mind. did i cause piggy to get hurt? mayb.. cuz i prayed for my class to win. or mayb not. does he hate me? yes he does! thinkin of everything, i cried even harder. i dun dare think wat's gonna happen next. things were already bad as they were cuz me n piggy din talk for close to a month and dis thing hadta happen? he prob think my class sux.. and everything.. haix. hatred wasnt wat i need now. frenship is all i ever wanted but i seemed to even lost dis chance. haix. truly, only God understands how i feel inside me. haix. den later, yeok fei and clar come to the toilet to look for me. i came out of the cubical, washed my face and assured them i was ok. den we walked to the canteen and packed our bags to go home. den didi came to cheer me up. somehow, as i think bout it, i started to tear again. haix. den we walked out together as we talked. he told me to smile. really glad he was dere for me. *thanks didi! we stopped under the routanda and talked as i waited for shuyi and clar to catch up. den somehow i cant stop the tears! argh.. den weiqi faster give me tissue. and i think shan saw and she came over. she comforted me and assured it wasnt my fault. haix. i could see piggy standing at one side. i tried to look strong in front of him but weak as i m, i failed to do so. haix. dis is prob the second time he saw me cry ba. haix. lousy me. den shan gave me a hug! felt a litte better. *huggs are the universal medicine!*
den me shuyi and clar walked out of sch first. i talked to them and they tried to cheer me up. den i crossed the overhead bridge while shuyi n clar walked to the tkg bus stop. at the other end, i could see yeokfei n stephen. both of them so sweet. standing together. :) den i looked down and saw piggy and the rest of the guys. didi was dere too. haix. when i reached the bus stop, i stood alone at one corner. when didi saw, he came over n talk to me. wheni asked him to go n talk wif the rest, he insisted that he stay n accompany me. i felt very comforted. *thanks for everything didi!* *but of cuz, nth beats feeling the peace of God. x)* den thama came over n talked too. soon, 33 came and the whole lot of us went up the bus. it was quite empty so all of us got a seat. piggy was sitting a few seats away. i talked to didi the whole bus ride until his stop. thank God his stop only one stop b4 mine if not i'll b so lonely. =X den when i alighting, kest, zhang, homunko and jia heng waved gd bye to me n thama. piggy also. i was quite happy actually. but den later i wondered if he was waving to me or thama. haix. oh well, life's like dis. full of uncertainties but only God has the answer.
later at nite, i went for g12. somehow, yireng and everyone else could tell i cried earlier on. =X felt so zi bei. yireng asked me to let it out but i told her i'm fine and will tell wat happened after g12. i asked for prayer request, asking God to take control of the situation and that nth will happen tmr.. thank you Lord! tmr..me not going sch.. so physically n mentally tired. on the verge on breaking down soon. physically only. feel sick but for 3g, i havta hold on. *God help me!* tmr will b a better day.. i hope..
