Monday, October 17, 2005
9:10 PM Y
one of the worst days of my life..
♥ just the girl.
haix.. wat a shitty day today.. feeling lousy once again.. well, started the day wif no place to sit in the bus. duno why but somehow just felt bu shuang about it cuz i rushed to the bus stop, hoping to catch the earlier bus so can sit but i din make it in time. hmm.. reach sch le den dun feel like doing anything so just rest my head on my table and took out my mp3 to hear. den my phone suddenly vibrated. justyn called me, told me he got tie to lend me.. in case u dunno, i hung my tie over my shoulder last week and it dropped without me knowing. so sucky.. den i also dun wanna buy new one cuz so ex plus i only got one more yr in tk and i only need it on monday. so i borrowed loh. actually asked frm mr rizal le but scared he back out on me. =X so asked justyn loh. btw he's my er zi. hehe. x) so i went to his class and took the tie frm him. after that, me, shuyi and clar went to zl's class to give her her bday present. went to look for nik first but realised she din go sch today. as i was outside 3D classrm, david walked over and said sth like 'can fite already!'. den i was like huh? den he compared our skin colour. WHOA. he became so dark! den he told me he went sentosa, think it slipped off his tongue tho. haix. den shan came out of the class and i asked her if she went to sentosa too. she hesitated for while den said yea. i tried to sound happy and everything, but actually, i'm not. i felt, in a way, betrayed. mayb they din jio me out cuz they din like my presence? or mayb bcuz piggy's going den they scared sth will go wrong? but watever the case is, i still felt betrayed. and the feeling sux. haix. after awhile, den went for assembly le. surprisingly, piggy was at the assembly plaza le. today, i tried very hard not to look at him le. i succeeded quite alittle by God's grace. oh well, after that it was really doom for me as we got back our results. it's like alternate gd and bad. sux loh. haix.
ss - 19/50 *i FAILED!
eng - 61.5/110 *not say gd but better den usual.
a math - 58.5/100 *like shit! even tho hardly anyone passed. haix. HARIT GOT 71.5/100!! FREAK!
math - 81/100 *my best sub
geog - 59/100 * most ppl fail too. thank God i improved
hist[[sourcebased]] - 13/25 *not gd either.
haix.. see wat i mean when i said alternate gd and bad? so sucky loh.. den after i got back my ss, cant believe i was laughing loh. got my feelings all mixed up! got my feelings all WRONG!! so WRONG!! haix.. after i got back a math, i was like going to cry but i cant cry! WHY?! everything's bottled inside me and that feeling sux! i wanna cry it out but i cant.. it's so xing ku.. my heart's so heavy.. and i keep holding on to my chest. so painful.. wat shld i do.. God help me..! haix.. anyway, after sch was the sec2s interclass netball and i stayed thru out. din wanna go home and din have anywhere to go so stayed in sch and watched. piggy was dere too. but guess it din mean anything to him. saw him talking to a bunce of sec4 girls ALONE. felt so hurt, so jealous. really hate that feeling. haix.. jealousy is a sin, i noe. God help me! haix. i feel that i'm drifting further away frm God too. *pls Lord, bring me back to u! dun leave me..* haix.. the sec2s matches were boring. =X felt bad that me, shuyi and clar made alot of comments bout the ppl who played. sorry God. =X den after awhile, piggy and a whole group of guys left the sch, going to jian rui's bbq. so they're prob having fun now. hope they dun tempt piggy to drink alcohol. haix. after everything was over, we packed up and went home.
33 was quite full when it came. thank God i managed to go up the bus but i was the least person. kenglai was infront of me. he's so weird. =X cuz when ppl alighted, den he didnt move in. he stood next to the tapping machine, as if telling me to go in cuz i was stepping on the stairs. mayb he was concerned that i may fall or sth. hehe. oh well, thanks anyway. x) den after a short journey, here i am at home. went to see adidas blog den realised that i've hurt him by treating him differently. i felt bad but i couldnt help it. =X but anyway, twinnie said i shld try to treat him as a fren and not b so cold towards him and also, dun let him noe bout piggy or he'll b even more hurt. but in dis way, i feel like i'm cheating on his feelings. =X but twinnie is right. that's the best way out, for now. haix. dun wish to hurt anybody else in my life. dunno howta break the bad news to my mum either. i am her only hope. how would she feel if i told her i did so badly dis time round? i'm gonna hurt her so badly.. haix.. how how how.. feeling so shitty rite now.. in a shitty situation and the only thing i can do is to pray for God's mercy upon my life.....
DOES ANYBODY HEAR HER?
She is running
100 Miles an hour
In the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyons ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadverture just to find
she's another 2 years older and she's 3 more steps behind
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
Lord does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeplewith all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in,to ride in and save the day
And then walks in her prince charmingand he knows just what to say
A momentary lapse of reason and she gives herself away
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
Lord does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeplewith all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Who can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her
He is running, 100 miles an hour, in the wrong direction..
that's me.. dunno where i'm running, but in the wrong direction.. haix..
tmr sec1 netball interclass.. gogogo! and track training resumes! woot.. x)
