Wednesday, January 11, 2006
10:45 PM Y
is dere still life in me?
♥ just the girl.
sometimes i wonder, is dere still life in me? i dun feel likfe i'm virnice anymore. the hyper, happy virnice. sec4 life.. it's really tiring. i dunno how my sis can so qing song finish her sec4. haix.
the pressure, stress that the teachers are giving us, is really really ALOT. that seemed to b the thing the took life away from me.. where is virnice?
it's only the second week of sch! but guess wat? i had two tests already. having the third one dis friday. haix.
sometimes i feel that i'm so busy that i have no time to talk! so i feel that THIS hadta go down somewhere.
neglected many ppl already. as in, it feels as if it's been quite some time since i talked to them. like, lao da, jiamin, rina. and more.. that's all my efc peeps.
in sch, my class also dun really have anyone i'm close to. i miss my 2e'04 frens. haix. in class, i cant find anyone to confide in. that's y so many feelings bottled up inside me.
while i'm liddat, i'm glad that shan has nik and nik has shan. i really regret not doing well for my sci. if not, i would b in the same class as them too. haix.
ok. well. i'll not go by date the events happened. just saying out my tots and stuff.
i jsut got my drums lately. and i'm saddened to know that i only have the support of my mum in my family. my sister thinks it's noise and that it's unfair cuz i got everything i want. while my dad thinks i'll lose interest sooner or later and the drums would b a white elephant. haix.
why cant they understand me? and support me? i need them most now! esp wif my Os and stuff. i'm also learning the guitar currently. why cant they encourage me instead and putting me down?! haix.
my sis. i really dunno wat to say. she changed so much. i tot after that incident, she would change and become a better sis. but no.. i cant confide in her. i cant even talk to her. it's like, we distant so much.
she thinks it's unfair that i can get the drums. and guitar. and everything i want. but that's cuz i worked for it! she says that my mum use the money to pay for my drums den no money to pay for her japan trip next yr.
but my mum.. insisted that she pay for it when i offered to pay like 3/4 of it myself. cuz i got the bursary and EAGLES award. and she's proud of me. and i'm also glad that i made her happy.
learning drums is kinda hard. that's y i need the support i can get now. but my sis? i dun even hear a 'jiayou' frm her. haix.
she's changed so much. i dun even think i know her anymore. she summore teach the lesson on "others first" when she thinks of herself first before others.
one example was that day when i borrowed the computer table chair to use it to study in my room cuz my own chair was quite uncomfortable. and when she woke up to use the com, she found out that the chair was changed, she claimed that i always say she think of others before herself den i also liddat cuz i took the chair.
but she wasnt even awake when i borrowed it! haix. i really dunno her anymore. she also dun mix much wif our church frens anymore. dunno wat's going on in her life either. haix.
and my dad.. just came back frm jakarta early dis jan. he was quite unhappy that i was getting the drums. guess he was afraid i couldnt cope wif the guitar and drums.
but since i chose this 'path', cant he at least give me some support? haix. all he could say was, u'll lose interest soon. ??!!! haix. stress as i'm feeling, couldnt he give me some encouragement? haix.
my mum's the best. not only cuz she got me the drums. but also cuz she understands me. and she's always behind me in watever i do. she believes in me. i'm really really happy that God give me a mum like her. wouldnt know wat to do without her. x)
that's about it. i really dun dare to look forward to the rest of my sec4 life. i had a bad start. and i really dunno and dun wanna know wat it'll b like for the rest of the year.
ok. enough bout the drums. somehow, dese few days, i keep thinking bout the past. that pig reminds me of the past.
looking back at 2005, i realised that as much as i had alot of hurts and tears, i had as much sweet memories too. and i'll nvr forget them. next time will talk more bout it.
saw kest wif donna the other day. walking out of sch. looking at the both of them, i felt happy for kest. i mean, he's finally settling down! xD that's really good.
and even tho i really hope that that girl was sy, but i guess, donna's not so bad either. x) at least i think she changed him. a little mayb. watever it is, i'm happy for the both of them. xD
and thinking again, i realised that in the first place, i'm not ready for relationships. dunno how i got involved in two. but it's over now.
it's a new life for me. guys = frens. haha! until i'm ready. no matter how much feelings i have for a particular guy, i'm not gonna give in. even if it means losing him if i take too long to get ready. haha! learnt frm experiences. afraid to get into another relationship too. haha.
and dun look down on me ah.. dun think i'm just making empty promises. when i'm determined to do sth, i can achieve it! xD
take for example last friday when i ran at turf city. we were training for x-country. it was a super long route that we hadta run. and know wat? for the first time in history, i did not stop to walk!!
it's really first time. i guess that time i was really determined not to stop. i keep telling myself that ru guo wo ting, wo jiu shu le. means, if i stop, den i lose already.
even tho i was already last in the team, *sy took the shortcut, recommanded by coach. hehe* i din give up. and this verse kept repeating in my mind. "in God, u'll find victory!" hurray! xD
haha. and so, that day, i din stop during the turf city run! xD
so, my point is, when i'm determined to do sth, i can do it!
and so can YOU! xD
my another point is, that the promise i made just now bout not getting into a relationship, i can keep it! xD i wun break it! haha.
woohoo. feel so much happier after blogging. at least, my tots went somewhere. and my feelings are not bottled inside me.
feel like i just exploded but in a good way. xD
ok. end here. wanna slp liao. zZzZzZzZ
gotta get ready for another busy day at sch. haix.
training tmr.. woo..
GOGOGO! xD
