Wednesday, January 25, 2006
10:56 PM Y
losing the will
♥ just the girl.
i din go to school today. not because i realy cant. but because i really dun want to. i cant find the motivation. i lost the will and the strength. nth seems to b driving me to go to school. haix.
i really cant stand the state i'm in now. the state where i'm all stressed up. the state where all i can say is, oh no! i havent done my hw! the state where everything seems to b so boring. haix.
i realised that every wed, i have the longest prayer list. yireng always havta pray for me. about the stress i'm facing. having late nites. having a busy schedule. having a hard time coping. haix.
thankfully, i am able to put on a happy front wherever i am. be it in class, in church and during training. i'll always b crapping and smiling. but deep inside, i'm really sick and tired of sch.
sometimes i wonder. wat's the point of studying so hard, getting good results when at the end of the day, all i want to b is up dere in heaven, with God. does studying even help me to achieve that?
i can definitely say no. in fact, it's pulling me away frm God. mayb it's me. it's me who cant organise my time. it's me who cant spend my time wisely. it's me who cant cope wif stress.
i'm really tired. and somehow, my results for the last few tests are such disappointments. and it really scares me bcuz it's just tests and i'm already doing so badly. how how. *God help me!*
and ms yap put even MORE stress on me. saying i shldnt b getting this kind of results. and that i'm of distinction calibre. she mentioned that i shld have been in those pure science classes. haix.
she also asked if it's bcuz of athletics that i'm doing quite badly. mayb it is. but i dun care. training is the only thing now that motivates me to go to sch cuz i feel good when i run. i feel that all my stress and worries are gone when i'm running. mayb it's just temporary but i dun care.
not just running. other sports also will make me feel the same way. whether i'm running or doing any other sports. i'm focused. and i wun think of other things. haix.
i really dunno wat i shld do but pray. but i cant just pray and do nothing bout it. i muz still study. focus. and perserve. strive on.
i really look forward to weekends. T.G.I.F. thank God it's friday! cuz i can go for HOF! and den sat can go for heart.sports! even tho i was late last week cuz of drumming lessons. =X and sunday! church! xD
really cant wait for my o levels to b over. and i hope my efforts will pay off.
ok now. sth better to hear. the sec1 athletes came for training yest. and wow! the athetics team was so big yest! we had 21 people! it was such a big group! cant believe it. first time in history. haha.
i talked to them after training. played whacko first. just to break the ice and get the ball rolling. den i set the tone right for them. and they said i was long winded. =X haha! that's why i'm the 'ah mah' of the team mah. HAHA! xD
and yep. 21 sept was kor's bday. it was also the most memorable day in 2006. HAHA! hey. 2006 just began loh! haha. but really. it was memorable for me. xD
dun get it wrong yah. it was memorable not bcuz it was my kor's bday. but.. blah blah. haha.
and ber. i cant do it lah! sorry. =X
well, have u ever liked someone but wished that person will NOT having feelings for ya? dun think anyone rite. but me. yep. in that situation right now.
oh well. know wat? i dun even have time to think about that! that's good in a way. cuz mayb the feelings will fade. hor ber? xD
last thing i wanna say. i really very disappointed in someone. cant believe that someone can still say such things to me. i dun see my name anywhere! but people who dun really talk to that someone, that someone was actually grateful for them! but not me. how disappointing. haix.
mayb.... i'm just not a good fren.
i want to pray more. i NEED to pray more.
mayb some things are just meant to be.
my prayer.
**Dear God, i pray that u will give me strength to cope wif the stress i am facing. Lord i pray that u will give me the will to want to go to sch.
Lord i pray that u will help me to organise my time well and spend it wisely. help me to sleep earlier and set my priorities right.
and most importanly, Lord, help me not to neglect you. help me to always read ur bible and talk to u. help me to always seek you. thank you Lord.
and Lord, right now i also wanna pray for those who are in the same stres state as me. esp those who are taking the o levels dis yr.
Lord i pray that u will also give them strength and the motivation to study. assure them that their efforts will pay off.
and lastly, Lord i wanna pray for those who are waiting for their O level results. Lord i pray that when they receive their results, they'll b happy, knowing that they've done their best. that whatever their results mayb, they will feel ur peace. help them to know that u're always wif them. bless them oh God.
i commit all these things into ur hands,
in Jesus name i pray, AMEN!
xD
God bless all of you!
