Monday, February 13, 2006
9:11 PM Y
THANKS ALL.
♥ just the girl.
i managed to find time to use the com. FINALLY.
i realised that it's been a long long time since i touched to computer. and wow. i had to kinda 'fight' wif my younger sis to use it. =X
she playing maple loh. so young know howta play maple story liao. i think addicted also. that's bad.
oh well, my point here is, i just wanna thank EVERYONE who has kept me in prayer thus far. :) i really really appreciate it.
thanks to : JIAMIN. NEL. WENYI. JOVIN. WEISHENG. JOSH. NICK. KAREN.
thanks for all the encouragement, support and PRAYER. i really would have just given up if not for all of you. i thank God for u all. :)
hmm pls know that i really want to join u all for more prayer sessions. if only i could. i wish i could just give up on studying and everything else and just pray and pray and pray. that'll b GREAT. but u know i cant.
anyway, it's not a good testimony too, if i do badly in my studies. which i kinda am doing now.
i dunno why my results has been dropping. and i feel so bad towards my mum. only thing is she doesnt know cuz i dun wan her to. she'll b disappointed for sure. haix.
so.. i muz studay. of cuz, i wun forget to pray. just cant pray together wif u all in a group. because of sth that's going on. haix.
thanks lao da. crying really does help. :)
my mum scolded me yest. dun wish to say why. but we he hao le. thank God. :)
i've learnt much frm doing IT. learnt to b independent and take up responsibilities.
and a smile can really brighten someone's day. trust me on that cuz i had a real good experience. even tho the smile was frm a small innocent boy, it was good enuf to make me happy for the rest of the day. :)
i just wanna trust God in watever i do. for he has the BEST plans for me. :)
i know he will give me the strength that i need. and he will always b wif me. i have gone to him when i was weary and burdened and he has taken it all frm my shoulders to his shoulders.
i have learnt to find joy in the midst of the unhappiness i'm going thru.
one thing for sure, u'll always find joy in the LORD!!
do not miss out on that. :)
well, tmr's valentine's day!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL! xD
cant believe i'm training on valentine's day.
nvm, i go date wif my hurdles. hehe. xD
SMILE! for GOD wilol always b wif you!! xD
GOD BLESS ALL! :)
*keep me in prayer always. thanks all. :)
Saturday, February 04, 2006
12:18 AM Y
wat is happening..
♥ just the girl.
my head hurts. hurts like crap. and i dunno why. and my scar hurts too!! i can feel the bone! it's growing back. :( no.. wat m i gonna do.. i'm not gonna go for another operation!! haix! *pls pray for me ppl. THANKS.*
it's back to the same old stupid, busy, stressed up life after CNY. hate it. really really hate it. i think my fren was right to get me a stress board for my bday. den i can just bang my head against it. but it's so stupid lah. haix.
i really hate to always put up a fake front. but i have to. cuz i dun wanna affect the people around me. it really does.
i kinda shouted at ber today. and i felt bad. till now. sorry ber. =X
haix. see wat i mean. it really affects. but i found out one thing today. that is mai ya tang can make me happy too! x)
still, it's temporary. haix..
yest nite, i spend the whole nite praying for my mum. cried out to God because i really dunno wat to do now.
it was HE who made the mistake. why shld WE suffer the consequences of HIS own mistake. yet he is so arrogant. so full of pride. always think he's right. and always so stingy.
yet, i cant hate HIM. and i wun hate HIM. i love HIM. i'm sure he too, made many sacrifices. i cant hate HIM together wif them. i cant. haix.
school problems. family problems. church problems. personal problems. why all come at the same time?
frankly, i tired. i really am. i feel that i have no strength. no strength to carry on a life liddat. yet.. i have no one. but God..
school. always giving hw. always asking us to stay back for remedials. always got tests. tests and tests. stress and stress. i wonder how ppl can cope. haix.
family.. i havta help. i just have to do it. even if it means making me more stress and tired, i still have to do IT.. haix.
church. it's not exactly a prob but it's a fan nao. now that i have drumming lessons, most of the time i will miss heart.sports. and that's not really good cuz that's when i destress myself. haix. yet i cant find the courage to ask pastor mong yee or kirk if the time can b changed. haix.
personal. my strength is limited. my will is limited. my own negative thinking is holding me back. i just dunno howta overcome it. haix.
WORST. i have no one whom i can talk to. i tot i found him. my di. even tho he's younger den me, he's quite mature. and i tot i could share my probs wif him. but i was wrong. cuz he had so many other jies. i cant confide in him.
others.. i just dun feel so right. not comfortable. and i really dunno wat to do. haix.
and just to add on, our group in church seems to b getting smaller and smaller. rina. dennis. eelen. weihoong. jack. daniel. where r u all? haix. i really miss those days, during the hols, where we had so much fun together. going to sentosa and all. encouraging each other spiritually and also mentally. haix.
frankly, i feel like giving up. actually, many a times, i feel like giving up because i just cant find the stregnth. i need God more than ever now. and i pray that i'll b closer to Him. mayb dese probs have made me and Him drift apart. and mayb that's y sometimes i cant feel that he's wif me.
pls pray for me brothers and sisters in christ. i need the strength i can have now. i really dunno how long can i carry on dis way before i really just collaspe. how i wish God will come sooner.. haix.
still, i wanna thank God for bringing some joy into my life. one example are my juniors. they make me smile. they make me happy. they help me destress. they make me forget bout my sch work and all at that point of time. and i thank God for them. x)
another are my church frens. my brothers and sisters in christ. they nvr fail to cheer me up even when they're not sure if i'm sad or just tired. and some also encourage me spiritually. and i really thank God for bringing them into my life.
i just hope dis yr will pass over soon. and all i want now is to b able to cope. i need strength frm God. and i need the will frm God.
i dun wanna back slide.
i dun wanna drift away frm God anymore.
i need someone.
God, send me someone.
thank you Lord.
I LOVE YOU GOD.
God bless all! x)
