Tuesday, August 15, 2006
10:50 PM Y
♥ just the girl.
heyhey.
i changed my blogskin. all by myself! cant believe it. even tho i got some tips from bokie and ivan. *thanks guys. =]
ohhyes. i changed my URL too. just wanted sth simple. so tot my name would b good. it's unique. hehe. so nobody has that URL. cool yea. greatest thanks to my mum for giving me such a name. =]
anyway, i'm so naive. so gullible. who knows the real me?
my life's in a mess. like seriously. wat a mess i've made of my existence. i really wish i could turn back time. but it's obviously impossible. and it's just so hard to move on wif those wounds and scars.
i hate myself for pretending. pretending i'm happy when i'm not. and still try so hard to bring joy to ppl's life. i'm really tired. but i want the ppl around me to b happy. i want to bring joy and laughter to their lives. i know my mood affects the ppl around me. and i dun wanna bring unhappiness, sadness or even moodiness into their lives. i want them to enjoy their everyday and b happy. is that so hard to achieve?
mayb i can continue this pretence. i'll just havta cry everything out at nite. and den go to sch feeling all happy and fine. i guess i could do that. i hope so.
another reason why i keep things to myself is bcuz i cant trust anymore. been hurt by my closed ones. they made use of my trust. i'm hurt, really hurt. and it came frm those unexpected ones.
how true that it takes year to gain someone's trust and seconds to lose that. how true how true. sigh.
just because i trust u, doesnt give u the right to make use of my trust.
and just because i'm nice to u, doesnt mean u can take me for granted.
sigh. i sound so mean. mayb the real me is mean. mayb i'm just too nice? sigh. dun think so. just dunno wat i shld do now.
bcuz of everything that happened, i'm so afraid to trust again. and dunno who i can trust again.
sigh. i'm really really getting so sick of this fake life i'm living. just trying to get thru everyday tires me alot. i'm exhausted. i need strength frm God.
and my prelims is coming in bout 3 weeks time. i'm so not prepared. and i'm scared. i just cant seem to focus and i'm really worried. i dun wanna disappoint my parents. see how much stress i'm under. sigh.
my dear frens, just let me know u care k.. just let me know i'm being loved and appreciated. just let me know u're there to lend me a shoulder to cry on. just let me know i can do this. just tell me to not give up. that's wat frens do right? =]
and most imptly, i need God right now. i know He's near but i cant exactly seem to feel Him. *hold my hand God. and let me know u're here wif me. sigh.
anyway i wanna thank God for my chi O level results. i got an A2! even tho i felt i could have done better, i still wanna thank God. cuz i tot i did worst than that.
i remember i was crying on the day of my chi paper. just before paper1. and i think i was crying when doing the paper itself...? hmm. yea.
so, i was so scared on the day of the results. to the extent that i cried even before i know my results! HAHA. stupid huh. but yea. guess it's cuz i couldnt stand the pressure building up. cant imagine wat wil happen when i get back my O level results next yr. hmm..
ohh ya. my chi oral get distinction leh! dun play play! must pray pray! hehe! cant believe it loh. cuz alot of ppl laughed when i spoke in chi. yea, it's THAT bad. so the results were totally unexpected. haha.
all in all, i just wanna thank God for everything. and pray that He'll get me thru this difficult time. =]
well, that's all for today. blogging is fun i guess. mayb cuz i havent been blogging for quite awhile. haha.
ok that's all folks! takecare alright. will update again. =]
God bless.
