Monday, October 02, 2006
11:28 PM Y
♥ just the girl.
sigh. i did so badly prelims that i dont really wanna talk bout it. there goes my first 3 months of jc. sigh.
dont even dare tell my mum or dad. i have disappoint them, definitely. dont know howta account to them. sigh.
lost all my motivation to study. this is so demoralising. ms yap even ask me to see a counsellor cuz she thinks i'm distracted. like wat the crap? i dont know wat's wrong wif me either. sigh. =[
laoda ask me to have faith in God. how to when i dont even have faith in myself. my self-confidence is dropping each day. slowly, i find it meaningless to study anymore.
and today made my life worst. went for my bone check up. got another bone growing out. when will this boney torture stop. doctor says if it's growing fast, may have to go for operation again.
firstly, operations are not cheap. and secondly, i dont wanna go thru the same pain again. operation and staying int he hospital is no fun. having tubes in ur hands are irritating and painful too. sigh. who understands but God. sigh.. =[
i wanted to cry so much just now. but i held back my tears. i dint wanna cry in front of my mum and let her know how i feel. sigh.
actually, when i got back my math and ss results, i cried loh. both on the same day somemore. math first den ss. mym ath got b3 loh. so not me. i had so high expectations for my math. couldnt believe i got a B. sigh. den i failed my ss. wat a failure. wat a disappointment.
i tried so hard to hold back the tears. i thot i have become a stronger girl after all the setbacks i have encountered. i thot i would b able to handle such disappointments. but i was wrong. i havent grown at all. just the thot of how disappointed my parent would b, made the tears flow down. i just kept crying. all the way home.
no one will ever know how it feels. to you all, it's just results nia rite. only prelims wat rite. still got o levels mah. all these i know, but u will nvr know wat's deep within me.
i think i really have changed. cant stand myself more and more each day. wat must i do to find the real virnice again? i'm so sick and tired.. AHHH..
will someone go to the beach wif me and let me scream my heart out?
sigh.
guess no one. everyone's too busy wif their o levels and their own life.
who cares bout this little stupid insignificant girl down the road.
wif a broken smile that noone will ever see.
perfect, dint feel so perfect.
