Wednesday, November 22, 2006
12:17 AM Y
♥ just the girl.
as i'm typing this post, tears are streaming down my cheeks.
and the worst thing is, i dunno why. i really dunno why.
o levels is over. yet i feel that every moment that i'm happy, i'm actually putting on a front. and i dunno why!
CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME! AHHH!!
i'm going crazy. mayb in the afternoon, i still can pretend. but at nite, when i'm all alone, i cant help but cry! and i just feel that i needa cry. argh.
mayb that's y i'm borrowing all the drama series vcds frm my frens. and den i'll have a reason to cry. it's so much easier that way. sigh.
speaking of which, i just finished watching xi jie shao nian. nice. alot of ppl say xing wang is shuai. but i think you ya yu also not bad loh. and mie jue shi tai is cute.
sigh. and i kinda fai pi qi at ppk just now. after which, i cried. hmm..
TO PPK : sorry girl. i realy dint mean to shout at you just now. mayb u dunno i did cuz it was in msn. but still, i'm sorry. but u shld know why i was angry loh. even tho i shldnt fa pi qi. firstly, u dint reply my msg. secondly, when i told u i got send u msg, u still dint go check ur phone. and thirdly, we actually sort of talk bout going out tmr to buy the twins present. yet u still go make plans wif others. u say u thot i not serious. but the least u could do was check wif me first loh. =[ sigh, i'm still sorry anyway. forgive me ok. haix.ppk couldnt tell i wasnt acting normal. =[ i couldnt control myself just now. so tears just flowed. sigh. so, i havent found a fren who really know me well.in fact, i think only xuan knows me. but we're so far.. far frm each other.. even tho she's my BEST BEST fren ever, i cant seem to share wif her everything cuz she doesnt appear in my daily. she dunno wat's going on around me. and i wont know wat to say to her if i call her up. i miss her so much. =[ i need someone else, that will understand me. know wat i'm thinking. and know wat my actions mean. and that person will even understand every word i say. that i dont havta say anything and the person will be there for me. comfort me. i need God spiritually. but i need someone physically.i know i'm asking too much.. but.. sigh.. i really dunno wat else to do but pray. mayb i'm running away frm sth that i dont even know wat. but i'm just going crazy. everything's stirring inside me. and i really wanna scream. dint manage to scream my hearts out at sentosa on monday.there's still so much in me. and nobody really knows me.mayb i just need a little attention here and there. i wish i would grow out of this.sigh. the only way now is to keep myself occupied. mayb that's y i want a job so badly. went looking around for one wif my frens today. we walked frm 10am to 6pm. it was tiring. and jobs aint easy to find. but we applied for so many. surely we will get selected for at least one. and then, i intend to work two jobs.weekends mac, and weekdays whichever job i am given. just to keep myself frm thinking. i need to work work work! i need the money too. and, chalet on thur. hoepfully can help me let out more. and i'm going back to training already. that's even better. i miss training. but i miss my juniors MORE. so much more. trainings will nvr b the same again, without them. so i must treasure every training i have wif them now. sigh. =[alright. that's it. i'll prob post pictures we took in our sentosa trip tmr. if that stupid com stops hanging. now using my sis comp btw. thank God. xD the other time i grumbled that she was so selfish, dont want lend me use for a while. a while also cannot. but God is good. probably spoke to her. =]THANKS SIS! appreciate it. loveya! xDi hope the pain in me will go away. and my that someone will appear. and no, not BF. SAYONARA.
