i have so much i want to say.
mayb too much. that's y i'm lost for words right now.

i've changed. i think i really did.

for the first time of my life, i run a cross country and i actually STOPPED and WALKED.

wat the crap?

i mean, last time, no matter how tired i am, how much my mind wanna stop, my legs wouldnt let me. but this time, it gave way. totally. i still cant believe that i stopped and WALKED.

i never gave up so easily before. no matter how tough life gets, i always stand strong and fight. at least that's wat i think i always do.

or am i wrong.

am i just putting on a brave front each time i meet with a problem? and mayb this time i cant take it anymore that's y i lost all that determination and perserverance.

jc life i tough. but how come i'm not strong enuf to live with it. to perservere on. why am i giving up so easily!

THIS IS NOT ME!!

i want the old me back.

i'm even giving up on track!! HOW COULD I!

running is my passion. it's all i ever wanted to do. because it makes me feel good. free of all problems. when i run, i'm focussed. i only aim to finish the workouts set by my coach. that's y i dont think bout anything else.

but that's temporary yea?

and i really hate being alone.

used to go sch with clar. now she takes bus to school AND home. thus, i havta spend that long journey home ALONE. and that's when i start to anyhow think.

i hate that loneliness. sigh. ='[

i want to talk to God. but i dont know wat to say to him. cuz i feel that i'm in no position to question Him or bother Him because He has already done so much for me.

AAHHHHHH!!!

i bu fu qi!! how can i give up so FAST?!!! i hate this kinda feeling.. i HATE IT!!!

i need to scream...!!!!

WO BU FU QI!!!

STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!!!!!!!

argh.

well, my mother, who is so very understanding and i really love her, told me that if i really cant take jc life, go poly. but i've seen how stress my sister was, doing all those projects when it is peak period. and i'm a person who really hates projects. so my mum say, if poly also cannot, den go work. work until got alot of money den go abroad and study.

but that's the stupidest thing i'll ever do.

sigh.

staying hurts. but leaving hurts more.

does anybody get wat i'm trying to say?

i wanna leave ajc and FAST!

because i'm so afraid that i'll get emotional and all and then feel so attached to the track team in ajc that i dont wanna leave.

but.. i really cant take it anymore. it's so stressful. just yesterday, i stress until i cried. there was simply so much going on inside me.

i really hate myself for being this way right now. so indecisive.

and i think i'm getting old. argh.

my right leg the joint there, connecting the thigh and calf, is painful whenever i bent it for too long. that is when i sit lah. so when i stand, it hurts so much that i have to limp for awhile until the pain goes off.

i dont know wat's going on..

actually, i can go to NZ to study cuz my couz is there. can support me for awhile before i find a job there and support myself. this has been dragged for quite some time already.
but then again..

STAYING HURTS BUT LEAVING HURTS MORE.

having lost two ppl who mean so much to me, i know exactly how it feels like and i dont think i wanna bring the same misery to my frens or myself. it's simply too hard for each and everyone of us to take it.

and just wanna comment sth.
mayb u've heard this many times. but it's true.
we dont know howta treasure someone till we've lost them. and then the hurt gets so bad. because u miss them so much. and then u regret. but u know, it's too late for regrets and there's nth else you can do.

so treasure the ppl around you right now. tell them u really appreciate them and that they mean alot to you. let them know you care and how impt are they to you. dont have regrets.

sigh. alright. i gotta get back to work.

till dont know when, BYE.

this post of pictures specially goes out to shan. i dint take any photos with her just before she left. but these are some of the photos we took as i journeyed my secondary school life with her in TK. this goes a long way back.

to SHAN.
I LOVE YOU GIRL!

graduation night. you look so pretty girl. =]

sweetness.

retarded times. i hope u dont mind me posting this shan. i miss those days. this was taken in east coast macs after sec2 cohort camp as leaders.

those memorable times!

that's wat frens are for.

through good times and bad times

i'll be by your side.

just like how i know you will be. =]

sec4 road run. =]


studying times at my house. =]

as we go on, we remember.

and as our lives change, come watever.

we will still be,

friends forever!! =]

i miss your insanity!

i miss all those retarded times we had together.

you made me feel appreciated. =]

i miss the 2e's victories!

the sweetest memories.

countless moments that we had together.

you're truly missed my dear girl! ='[

takeEXTRAGOODCARE!

sorry i know this is a little late cuz i had no time to blog.

but this post is specially dedicated to shanti davamoni and winston lays.
the two people who mean so much to me.
especially shanti. ='[ cuz i dint even have a chance to say goodbye.

to SHANTI.
hey girl. i miss you so much!
when you first told me that you were leaving, i got quite a shock. and was quite sad too. =[

and when u left, i dint even know you did! until the follwing nite when ho ming told me u already left. =[ and i dint get to take pics with you! ='[

i just wanna let u know that u've been such a great fren. always there to cheer me up whenever i'm down. we had so much fun together and i'll never forget those times.

what i regretted was both of us drifting away from each other after we split class in sec3. how i wish we still had stay as close as before.

nevertheless, i still wanna thank you for being part of my life. i'm really happy to know you.

thank you for all the great times we had. thank you for always putting up with my crap. thank you for being so understanding. thank you for being YOU. =]

lastly, i just wanna encourage you. that even tho it's gonna b quite challenging and tough when u first go to melbourne, u havta perserve ok! dont let our tears go to waste. =] i know you're gonna do well there! YOU GO GIRL! =]

and i'll never ever forget you! i hope our friendship will last forever!
i'm gonna miss you so so much!

all the best in aust alright! and u can into me to some cute aussie guy! =X HAHA. kidding. =]

do take extra good care of yourself. and JIAYOU!

you're MISSED!

LOVE, VIR.

as for winston, i'm a litte more fortunate as his flight was confirmed and i was able to send him off. on friday nite, we even went to lj's hse to sort of give him a farewell.

so,
to WINSTON.
hey POTATO CHIPS!
it's kinda very sad that u've left. thank God u left after we graduate from tk. cant imagine 4G without you man! sigh.
well, at least i got to say goodbye. it was a sad moment tho. =[

anyway, i just wanna say that it has been great knowing you!
tho we're from the same pri sch*tns rocks!, i dint really know you. but WE ARE PREFECTS! HAH!

i never ever thot i would ever b in the same class as you. but i'm really glad that we were in 4g! =]

thank you for being so much joy and laughter to the class. just by being the crappy you. never fail to make me laugh whenever i'm sad. and i've nvr really seen u sad or angry before! that's wat makes you so.. WINSTON! keep up the optimism. love it!

anywaym would like to encourage you too. it's gonna b hard when u suddenly have a change of environment and everything seems so alieny. but i know you're gonna do well! just dont give up alright!

and i know it's so hard for u and imee. and long dist relationship can be quite hard to maintain. but i have faith in both of you! just be focus and must keep in contact all the time.

YOU CAN DO IT, LAYS!
and so CAN IMEE! =]

both of you are gonna b great. i just know it. =]

alright. here are some photos. FOR YOU. FROM 4G'06. to remind you of our frienship! and that you should never forget us!

all the best and JIAYOU!

LOVE, VIR.

at LJ's hse door. rich boy. =X ben.leon.winston.

me and potato chips. you're missed!

at the airport. wat a sad moment. =[ 4G girls plus weiqi and winston.

me and winston again. at the airport. =[

wat a COOL picture. i wanted the whole group to take together. but those irritating guys at the side just dont want. argh. but cool. cuz COOL lah.

us again. cuz first pic i blocked winston's face. he's on the phone. haiya.

that's all. will blog again.

TAKECARE YOU TWO!

i'm missing you both! =[

hello.

well, things aren't exactly going well. but i'm just trying hard to keep a postive attitude.

sigh.
just dont know how much longer i can hold before i collapse.

i know i must look to God for strength. but sometimes, i dont even have the strength to look to Him for strength. =[

and i did the same old thing AGAIN.

vented my stress on the SAME person. and again, the person dint even realised i wasn't normal. she still say i kpkb. it's kinda crude so i dont wanna spell that out. SIGH. =[

and the same EFFECTS took place. cried after i shouted at her thru SMS. in sch somemore. thank God i was alone. sigh.='[

this post is gonna b just as depressing. so i advice my faithful readers not to continue reading. sigh.

well, sch got WORST two days ago. cuz that's when i got my permanent timetable. it's gonna b this way till after 1st 3 months.

now, let me share wif you my WONDERFUL timetable.

well, it's bad enuf that training is 3 times a week : monday, wednesday and friday. but guess wat. i have PE on tue and thur.

and ajc's PE is SICKENING. they make u run and run and do stupid drills that will make u look like a MAN sooner or later cuz it's building up all the muscles. totally SICK.

so imagine that. i'm running 5 times a week.

but hold on. i got into the netball selection. WOW. i really thank God cuz only a few girls got selected.

but u and i know, it's IMPOSSIBLE to have two SPORTS cca. i simply cannot cope. even if it's just 1st 3 months.

so anyway, netball trains on monday wednesday and saturday. which means i cant go on monday and wednesday cuz i already got track training.

so, they asked me to go on sat. and mayb i'll just join for recreational and not sch team. but hey, dont think i need that extra recreational activity since ajc PE is SO fun. HA HA.

to summarise wat i just said, i end training at 7 plus, close to 8 on mon, wed and fri. but cuz wed got g12 and fri got hof, i'll b home like 10 plus. mon i'll b home at 9 liddat.

and on tue, i'll b home and 6plus, which is NOT considered EARLY.and on thur, i'll b home at 7 plus.

on top of that, i have piles of HOMEWORK, lots of PROJECTS and that means, LESSER SLEEP. because i still havta wake up at 5 plus in the morning no matter how late i sleep. how nice.

ok. let's just put distance aside how bout everything else? the sch is plain kiasu lah. and asking too much of us. sigh.

fine. i've brought this upon myself and i've got no one to blame.

so go ahead. scold me. slap me. do watever. i deserve it. sigh.

i've still got church and work commitments to think about. sigh.

ohh yes, i think the only thing good about ajc is the teachers there are not bad. SOME only. but my fav math teacher is leaving! and he only gave us 3 math lectures! sad. =[

and on second thots, i really hate doing projects. so mayb poly isnt suitable for me.

so since both jc and poly dont suit me, i shld just drop out man. sigh.

winston will b going overseas to study already. and so is shan..

how i wish i could too. mayb my status will b much much lower in other countries and mayb i'm at a disadvantage, i dont really care. i just really need to get away from here, from spore!

STUPID EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM!

I WANT TO GO OVERSEAS AND STUDY!!

AH HO KOR KOR! AH POH KOR KOR! PLEASE BRING ME TO AUSTRALIA SOON! I CANT WAIT TO SEE AND FEEL SNOW AS WELL!

sigh. please, do keep me a prayer. even just a very short one will do. i need it.

thanks so much you guys.
esp laoda. for trying to help me distress and all.

remember to make me laugh whenever u can. i really need it. =]

and rebecca's coming to hof tmr nite! cant wait! quite excited. =] hope she'll stay.

so anyway, i need to do work already.

*trying to stay alive. trying.. trying.. mayb i'm really just trying too hard.. sigh. =[

well, i dunno wat to say. i'm totally SPEECHLESS. sigh.

got 'scolding' frm yireng and alvin yest at g12.
and it's not because i was late. and when i mean LATE, i really mean LATE. like 8.45. lesson just finished when i reached. sigh.

worst thing is, i took cab there.

i had training lah. wat to do. that's when trouble comes in.

i know i chose to appeal to AJC because NYJC has no track. and now i feel that, i'm so tired. having to travel so far everyday.

and so, i complained. cuz training ends bout 7.30 going to 8. and i reach home at bout 9. it's such a 'torture' in a way. i get so little slp everyday. sigh. =[

so yireng was like talking some sense. which i totally agree wif her that's y i'm speechless.

she asked me AJC is not bad right. so i was like yea. den she asked again, it's just the distance right. so i was like yea again. the sch's really ok. it's just the distance that is a killer.

so she was like, ok den why u appeal to AJC in the first place. cuz NY no track right. but now you're saying u reach home so late when there's training cuz AJC is so far. den dont feel like training. and bla bla bla. i cant remember wat else she said. =X

but it's true lah. it's all MY FAULT. appeal wat shit. God placed me in NY, shld have gone NY. no track, nvm wat. can join sth else right. sigh.

but the thing is, i dont wanna let my coach down. sigh. he has trained me for more than 3 years. and i just feel that it's so wasted if i just give up liddat.

wanna know how i REALLY feel?
sigh.

i feel like i'm not going anywhere in track. as in, i've been training just as hard as clar. and she's improving trememdously. she used to b slower den me. but now she's much much faster than me.

mayb bcuz i get so many injuries. but i've already given my all to track. and i dont regret a single bit. but mayb, EVERYONE else is right. mayb i shld give other sports a chance. but..

sigh.

i dunno wat to do anymore. i really LOVED track. but now, i dont know wat to do now. i hae interest in netball. and have signed it up as my cca. think i'm gonna just die lah. sigh.

i've trained so hard. yet, i have not achieved anything. track has been my CCA since pri 4. it's my 8th year training and still, NOTHING. how useless. argh!

i'm really not going anywhere in track. i may b the fastest in church and one of the better ones in my sch. but compared to national standard, i'm nothing. i dont even stand a chance. sigh.

so wat am i even training for. at least for netball, it requires team work. i dont have to rely on my unreliable ability to win the game MYSELF. sigh.

and also, track training in AJC is 3 times a week, monday wednesday and friday. and alvin was like saying, out of 3 days, 2 days clash wif my church commitment. which is true. i dont deny.

so that means i'll b VERY late on thur and not so on fri, but still late, cuz church is just 2 stops away. but i admit, it's bad enuf. sigh.

so it's my fault. i really admit.

but despite the fact that i'm already feeling very fan, people still have to make things worst.

when i say about all that, they say, yea loh yea loh. alvin and yireng is right. u shld do this, shldnt do that, blah blah blah. make me feel even worst.

but i really appreciate yireng and alvin for sort of waking me up. mayb i really shldnt go to ajc.

mayb i just trying so hard to please everyone but myself.

i have thots bout going poly right now. BUT, thinking of how disappointed my parents would feel if they know that, i focussed on going to a good jc.

and, i have thots bout going to other NEARER jc if my O level reults allow, but, i'm afraid to disappoint my coach.

mayb, the fact is, i'm not trying please God but i'm trying to please Man. sigh.

i really dont know wat to do.

mayb God is giving me these stupid rashes right now as a form of punishment.

i hope the rashes remains tho. den i cant dont go sch and training tmr. there's even training on sat just to show the JC1s the cross country route. but it's also compulsory for all who ALREADY know the route. sigh.

AHHHH.. i really need a good scream.

and seems like i cant cry, dont know why. like no matter how sad i am, how hard i try to cry, just no tears.

mayb i'm just trying so hard..

so tired.. just wish i could slp forever..

wat shld i do..

PRAY PRAY PRAY..

yes, it's MY FAULT.

stupid VIRNICE.

V I R N I C E
there's no one else like me cause' God made me special. (:
virnice
eighteen
10.09.90
andersonjc
childofGOD
evangelite
dolphins
drummer
RUNNER
HURDLER.

LOVES God; chocoates&icecream; sports; family&frens; sleeping.
DISLIKES smokers; exams; vegetables; cockroaches&lizards!


visitors
with currently viewing.

go around the world.
laptop.
ipod.
grow taller.
grow thinner.
PROMOTE
top 8 for NATS.
improve drumming
sling bag/haversack
ace the As!

.alex
.alsyaari
.andrew
.angela
.austin
.benjamin
.berlin
.bernice
.bertrice
.bertrum
.christine
.chooshuin
.debra
.elvia
.esther
.ethan
.ernest
.evangel
.gabriel
.gina
.huikhoon
.ice
.ivan
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.jexx
.jovin
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.kenneth
.kent
.melissa
.michelle
.midori
.nelvin
.nelwyn
.nicholas
.nikki
.ppk
.quanhui
.rico
.rongjie
.royston
.samuel
.shaoming
.shanti
.shirley
.stephanie
.terence
.thilaiga
.TK+TMS
.tingzhe
.wanyi
.weisheng
.wenyi
.xiangxiang
.xuan
.yin lai
.yongyong
.yuanting
.zhimin
.zoe
.06/07

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