every moment; every planned coincidence

Thursday, January 11, 2007

11:22 PM Y

♥ just the girl.

well, i dunno wat to say. i'm totally SPEECHLESS. sigh.

got 'scolding' frm yireng and alvin yest at g12.
and it's not because i was late. and when i mean LATE, i really mean LATE. like 8.45. lesson just finished when i reached. sigh.

worst thing is, i took cab there.

i had training lah. wat to do. that's when trouble comes in.

i know i chose to appeal to AJC because NYJC has no track. and now i feel that, i'm so tired. having to travel so far everyday.

and so, i complained. cuz training ends bout 7.30 going to 8. and i reach home at bout 9. it's such a 'torture' in a way. i get so little slp everyday. sigh. =[

so yireng was like talking some sense. which i totally agree wif her that's y i'm speechless.

she asked me AJC is not bad right. so i was like yea. den she asked again, it's just the distance right. so i was like yea again. the sch's really ok. it's just the distance that is a killer.

so she was like, ok den why u appeal to AJC in the first place. cuz NY no track right. but now you're saying u reach home so late when there's training cuz AJC is so far. den dont feel like training. and bla bla bla. i cant remember wat else she said. =X

but it's true lah. it's all MY FAULT. appeal wat shit. God placed me in NY, shld have gone NY. no track, nvm wat. can join sth else right. sigh.

but the thing is, i dont wanna let my coach down. sigh. he has trained me for more than 3 years. and i just feel that it's so wasted if i just give up liddat.

wanna know how i REALLY feel?
sigh.

i feel like i'm not going anywhere in track. as in, i've been training just as hard as clar. and she's improving trememdously. she used to b slower den me. but now she's much much faster than me.

mayb bcuz i get so many injuries. but i've already given my all to track. and i dont regret a single bit. but mayb, EVERYONE else is right. mayb i shld give other sports a chance. but..

sigh.

i dunno wat to do anymore. i really LOVED track. but now, i dont know wat to do now. i hae interest in netball. and have signed it up as my cca. think i'm gonna just die lah. sigh.

i've trained so hard. yet, i have not achieved anything. track has been my CCA since pri 4. it's my 8th year training and still, NOTHING. how useless. argh!

i'm really not going anywhere in track. i may b the fastest in church and one of the better ones in my sch. but compared to national standard, i'm nothing. i dont even stand a chance. sigh.

so wat am i even training for. at least for netball, it requires team work. i dont have to rely on my unreliable ability to win the game MYSELF. sigh.

and also, track training in AJC is 3 times a week, monday wednesday and friday. and alvin was like saying, out of 3 days, 2 days clash wif my church commitment. which is true. i dont deny.

so that means i'll b VERY late on thur and not so on fri, but still late, cuz church is just 2 stops away. but i admit, it's bad enuf. sigh.

so it's my fault. i really admit.

but despite the fact that i'm already feeling very fan, people still have to make things worst.

when i say about all that, they say, yea loh yea loh. alvin and yireng is right. u shld do this, shldnt do that, blah blah blah. make me feel even worst.

but i really appreciate yireng and alvin for sort of waking me up. mayb i really shldnt go to ajc.

mayb i just trying so hard to please everyone but myself.

i have thots bout going poly right now. BUT, thinking of how disappointed my parents would feel if they know that, i focussed on going to a good jc.

and, i have thots bout going to other NEARER jc if my O level reults allow, but, i'm afraid to disappoint my coach.

mayb, the fact is, i'm not trying please God but i'm trying to please Man. sigh.

i really dont know wat to do.

mayb God is giving me these stupid rashes right now as a form of punishment.

i hope the rashes remains tho. den i cant dont go sch and training tmr. there's even training on sat just to show the JC1s the cross country route. but it's also compulsory for all who ALREADY know the route. sigh.

AHHHH.. i really need a good scream.

and seems like i cant cry, dont know why. like no matter how sad i am, how hard i try to cry, just no tears.

mayb i'm just trying so hard..

so tired.. just wish i could slp forever..

wat shld i do..

PRAY PRAY PRAY..

yes, it's MY FAULT.

stupid VIRNICE.

VIRNICE.