i realised that i dint just mess up my promos.
i messed up everything else as well.

i finally concluded that,
in all my seventeen years of life on this earth,
this year HAS to be the worst year of my life.

i really messed up big time.
and i think nothing that i do can change things back.
and i mean, NOTHING.

both good and bad things happened.
but sorry to say, more BAD things happened.

i have no idea how i am gonna survive thru this.
somewhere in the middle,
makes it so hard for me to go anywhere.

the worst thing is,
i feel like i'm drifting away from God.
mayb cuz i havent been spending enuf time with Him.
sorry Lord. ):

just when i thot i had your support,
u kinda walked away from me.
not purposely, but unknowingly?
mayb it's just a natural reaction.
so i guess i cant blame you.
but why cant things just remain the way the are.

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

why do i keep messing up?
just when will i learn?
sigh.

somewhere between the present and the past.
not the present and the future.

*there was a time, when i was so afraid.
i thot i reach the end; but baby, that was then.

ohh, hello jasmine gan.
this is my very short post. :D

ahhh, having a very tight schedule right now.
or mayb it's just me who cant manage my time wisely?
ohh, well.

quick updates:

1. i messed up my promos, BADLY.
gonna havta take a re test in dec.
which means, NO HOF CAMP.
and i havta RE-MUG.
WOW.

2. i know i havent cleared things up with someone yet.
not that i forgot, just simply no time.
and like what my wall said, we'll do it privately.

3. dad's back and somehow, i dont really like it.

4. frisbee is SAI.

5. no gift for mum yet! =/

6. i'm BROKE. ):

sorry, photos next time probably?
loves.

alright.
it's gonna be a long post i guess?


firstly, i missed out one person in my thank-you list!


#5 ETHAN GOH ZI CHENG. :D
thanks for all the online encouragement.
even tho both of us were getting so stressed and crazy bout exams,
but i'm glad we helped to motivate each other on.
thanks also for introducing me to a new friend.
well, not exactly a new friend,
but a friend who has been beside me all this while,
just that i dint realise.
until u told me.
his name is FAITH. (:
so thank you so much.
for cheering me on during that period of time.
helping me to distress a lil.
hah, a big thank you! :D


and next,
my sincerest apologies goes out to two person,
#1 JASMINE GAN.
#2 WALL


i'm so sorry!
for making you both wait online for me.
i was tempted by my stupid bed!
i promise i wont ever go near it again,
if i got online appt with you both.
ahhhh, i feel super bad.
and i heard about the conversations you both had online.
it was quite. =/
but guess i deserve it.
and sorry jas, i replied you in my semi-conscious state.
and talked to you in my semi-conscious state.
and sorry wall, for not picking up ur call. =/
lalala, i'm at the both of your mercy k.
so sorry.
promise i wont do it again!
PLEASE FORGIVE ME. :D

and okay.
now i'm gonna officially blog. (:

well, i pw-ed FOUR days in a row lah!
totally cant believe it.
from friday all the way till monday can.
non-stop pw-ing can really drive someone mad.
i had 6 hours of slp in 3days.
like wow right?
my eye bags are toatally obvious now
even tho i'm so dark. -.-
but bleah.
that AFL better not give some sai comment.
we want CONSTRUCTIVE feedback hor.
argh.


and sunday was scary please!
finally told pastor mong yee already.
went to look for her immediately after POR4 meeting.
and i think jerry knows already.
cuz he like so ji ji to help me find pastor. heh.
pastor mongyee was super cute lah.
she kept saying NOT about drumming hor?
like as if she had no more drummers already
den scared i saying i want a break frm duty or sth. hah.
but ya, she was okay with it.
and her reaction was totally unexpected lah.
den it was her turn to keep saying i'm cute.
for the fact that i went to tell her.
hah but -.-
and i asked her to pass the message to pastor queebeng
den she say wont only be to pastor queebeng.
haha, super cute lah. (:


finally, it's open and known.
my very first.
i'm excited, yet at the same time afraid?
excited for everything that awaits me.
and afraid cuz i really dont know what to expect.
only God knows, and i shall trust in Him. (:

monday is not worthy to be spoken about,
for it is dumb pw again. -.-

ohhyes!
it's worth mentioning cuz there was training!
so WOOTS. :D
managed to run off some fats i guess? =/
but i felt really good after training.
and there was exco meeting.

tuesday was op trial 1.
was quite kan jiong and all.
but my grp was one of the worst i guess? =/
we got alot of loopholes and all.
ohh well, got lots to work on.
and that means, MORE PW-ING.
ahhh crap.


and tuesday afternoon was outing with jasmine gan!
been quite long since i went out lah.
no moive, nothing.
but it was EATING and SHOPPING.
the ultimate combi please? :D
eating cause FATS.
and shopping helps us walk them OFF.
so WOOTS. :D


outing with jas is always fun and funny. :D
loads and loads of laughter.
and we just laugh about everything under the sun.
not forgetting we were sourcing for sth. (:

and it's like food, food and more food?
den random notebook shopping at taka and kino.
basically we just LUAN HUA QIAN?
hah, i forgot what's the word to use!
and apparantly,
jasmine gan who's on the phone with me right now,
is unable to give me an acceptable answer too!
DONATING MONEY TO THE WORLD HOR? :D


and den jas had some training thingy at taka.
she starting work on thur!
so JIAYOU girl. :D
dont start staring at those jap snack and slack hor.
must work. :D
and dont let the stupid cashier thingy defeat you!
please know how to use it.
and the whatever float thing? :D


and dinner rocks. :D


character development programme at ecp today.
sandcastle building lah!
and i'm talking about BIG structures.
not those kind of small play play ones.
i shall post the pictures here soon.
and there was structure of patrick starfish too! :D
so cute please.
and i took picture with it!
plus poked its stomach. :D


ohh, and thanks WIFEY.
for the long walking journey.
sorry if i caused your legs to be suan. =/
but it was fun hor!
HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT. :D
u nature-destroyer!
itchy hands, pluck pluck pluck!
TSKTSK. :P
and photos taking all the way!
frm ecp and all the way to frankel ave there to take 32.
heh, so fun lah please.
photos soon! :D


and ber,
how were we over reacting?
we were just angry and disappointed?
which is like a natural thing.
put yourself in our shoes and think.
sigh, whatever lah.
it doesnt matter anymore.
nothing matters anyway.

recently, a decision of mine made things change.
in a way i dint expect it to.
and it's in a bad way.
because my heart wasnt able to control itself,
i sacrificed everything i ever had.
if given another chance,
i'll probably make the same decision
but i'll make sure there's nothing first?
i definitely cause much hurts.


sometimes, things dont turn out the way you want it to.
but then again, you cant have everything.
you cant have the best of both worlds.
you get one and you lose another.
and that's life.
but it hurts, it really does.
to know that things cant go back to the way it was before.
because everything that has happened,
has left footprints in my hearts.
memories that will always stay with me.
but no matter how hard i try,
things just can never be the same.
not ever again.

still, i thank God
because He has been so good and faithful to me.
and maybe things are not going well right now.
but i guess these are lessons for me to learn from.
and i'm learning more about myself each and everyday.
whatever it is, God is with me. (:

and i dont know if it's talking bout me.
but i guess it's kinda obvious.
because everyone's been talking bout it.
and i dont know why.
what's wrong with that fact.
or just blame me for being over sensitive.

i dont know if u're talking bout me.
but even if u're not, there are things i also want u to know.
the fact is that we've never been close before.
how can that be when u're always taking my hp and reading my msg in the past.
and finding things about me
which i would consider it to be private.
and the fact that you dont keep it to yourself
makes things far worst.
and confront you?
how could i, because it'll hurt so much.
like, EHH WHY DID U READ MY MESSAGES WHILE I WAS BATHING?
and beacause it'll totally ruin our friendship.
so i decided to suffer the injustice and leave things the way they are,
at least we'll still be friends.
and things wont be so awkward between us.
but i guess i cant contain it anymore
because if u say we're drifting apart due to them,
i feel that it's really unfair to me.
in the first place, i already dont seem to fit in with u all.
makes it hard to catch up with what u all are saying
about new shoes, new bag, new dresses, new make-up and the latest fashion.
it tires me quite abit as i try my best to fit in.
noone seems to know my existence.

and neglecting?
well, u forgot my birthday.
okay mayb u dint.
but i dint hear a single thing frm u on that day.
even if it was a belated birthday wish/msg,
i'd still b happy to receive it because it's the thot that really matters.
but nope.
do u even know how disappointed and sad i was.
because whatever it is,
our friendship has lasted for at least 8 years?

and i'm sorry if i ever made u all feel left out or sth.
because i really dint mean it.
God sent them to me in the most surprising way.
and i find them i can relate to them better.
i guess it's only normal i spend more time with them?
and sorry, i can have many friends
but i feel that each of us should/would have only a few
whom we can confide in.
cuz u certainly cant be close to everyone.
we look okay on the outside,
that's because i never raise any disagreements or unhappiness.
and yes, i agree i'm at fault regarding that.
say i'm a coward or whatsoever.
the main thing i was concerned with,
was our friendship.
even tho we couldnt be close,
i still wanted that friendship.
because it took us a long way back.

there was a period of time we were quite close.
because u found out sth u shouldnt.
and again, it's by taking my hp and looking at my msges.
but den we realised we were on the same boat.
and we could only rely on each other.
because it would seem so wrong in the eyes of others.
but we knew we had each other's backs.
and that was the only time.

and u really do not know me inside out.
mayb because most of the times u are more about yourself than me.
in that mirror of yours, u only see yourself.
or maybe it's just me.
unwilling to open up.
but have u ever wondered why i was reluctant to do so?
some friends can really relate to each other very well,
but some, no matter how hard u try, u just cant.
and believe me, i ever tried.
but i gave up a long time ago.
and this is how far things can get.
and the same goes,
if only you would use you heart to see.

i'm probably going thru the worst time of my life.
i feel that i've made the wrong decisions once again.
i keep messing things up and just cant get things right.
why do i feel as if the whole world is watching every lil thing i do.
and it's really getting stressful.
mayb that's why God wanted me to let go on friday on.
my heart is getting heavier and heavier each day,
i'm only praying hard it doesnt grow cold,
cuz when it does,
i would lose everything.
all of life's meaning,
and all i ever had.
it's a scary feeling and i never wanna walk that way.
so please, give me some room breathe.
because i'm this close to breaking down once again.
life, has too many lessons for me to learn.
and sometimes, i just cant take the blow.

so life, please give me a break.
and Lord, no more tests for the moment please?
because it's more than i can take.
give me strength because i need You more than ever.

sorry for not updating in awhile.
well, promos are finally over.
but somehow, i'm not that happy. =/

let's just start with promos.
i cried BEFORE promos,
DURING promos,
and AFTER promos.
wow right?
i sound like i cry so easily or sth.
but, sigh.

i thot promos would be slightly better than mid yr CT.
but i highly doubt so?
i think only my physics will do better than mid yrs.
other than that,
the rest are like sai.
esp MATH and CHEM. ):

math was the most depressing one please.
it was the only paper that i walked into the hall with confidence.
yet it was how shitty please?
it's toally UN-DO-ABLE lah!

let me elaborate on that.
i already MINUS 58 marks.
if miraculously i get all correct,
the most i can get is 42 marks?!
like how shitty is that lah!
sigh. ):

seriously, i really think i'm gonna retain?
if i promote, it's really by God's grace.
and if that happens, i already told myself i'll work doubly hard.
like i'm gonna start studying frm this coming sch hols onwards.
but if it's God's will for me to retain,
then i guess i will?
or mayb i'll just go overseas or sth. =/

whatever it is,
promos is finally OVER.
i shall not think of the results at the moment.
cuz there's nth i can do except pray.

in any case,
there are a few people i would like to thank.

#1 SHIRLEY ANG YI/JING JING.
my latest b** and wife. :D
you saw the happy/sad/crazy virnice ng.
be it before or during or after promos.
you saw everything.
the tears. the stress. the craziness.
and you were there for me.
you cheered me on
and did not allow me to give up.
you stood by me
and walked thru promos with me.
and for that, i owe you a big THANK YOU. (:
i love you. :D

#2 JASMINE GAN CHENG YAN. :D
on late night mugging days,
you called me up
and lighten my stress-ness.
those talkings made me laugh
and helped me relax for awhile.
you never fail to pray for me every night,
send me smses of encouragment and prayers,
and constantly motivate me,
asking me to jiayou.
without that, i would not have survived thru promos.
so thank you girl.
i really appreciate it, ALOT. (:
i love you. :D

#3 NELWYN NG JUN WEN.
thank you,
for the prayers every morning,
each day before i take my paper.
it really helps to calm my nerves.
and boost a lil of my confidence.
knowing that a whole grp of people is behind me. (:
thank you lil bf. :D

#4 GABRIEL LING
words cannot express how thankful i am to you.
for going thru this terrible time with me.
giving me all the help i need,
be it in my studies,
or even mentally, physically and emotionally.
and most imptly,
you did not give up on me.
even tho all seemed hopeless,
you held on to the lil hope that's left.
and you encouraged me to fight on.
altho you're tired of telling me the same old things
over and over again.
but you didnt stop trying. (:
so, thank you.
and you know what. :D
p.s i spared you the misery of having to see your chi name
and letting others see your chi name as well. :D

and to all those out there,
who prayed for me and supported me
in one way or another,
THANK YOU.
for God saw me thru this,
and it's probably because of the many prayers he heard. (:

so yah.
and i thot i could take a break after promos?
but NOPE.
now i'm having PW and CHI intensive.
so shitty please.
and A level chi is a few weeks away!
argh. =/

and pw is seriously driving me mad?
not only is the distance a killer,
the thinking, and organizing
and rephrasing is RAHHHHH too.
bleah.

and i totally miss h.s due to pw today.
they lost frisbee but won rounders and soccer.
so thank God for He is fair. (:

and we lost capt's ball last sat.
got second tho.
and considering the fact that we were one player down,
i think we put up a good fight already. (:

but i'm really discouraged by someone.
just read something that i probably shouldnt have read?

it's not numbers.
the thing is, you said you WOULD go.
and backing out last minute just isnt the right thing to do.
it's totally irresponsible
cuz you just abandoned the team.
and in the first place,
what makes you think you're just a number?
we called you because you said you're going to play,
but you werent there at the very last minute.
it's not as if you dint say you were going,
and we last minute dint have enuf players,
so we called you.
if that really happened,
then ya, u can blame us for just treating u as a number.
but no! that wasnt the case.
every member in the team plays an important role.
without someone, the team isnt complete.
and there's no star player or whatsoever.
even the best player cant go on without a team.
and you're just saying you're a number
only because you THINK you are.
nobody said that.
so stop looking down on yourself
and den blaming it on others.

ohh, and super october was super cute?
potential general paper questions were asked. :D
pastor alan is just so good at that.
coming up with lame questions.
like, what was on sale on monday, $1.10 for 5?!
HAH.

den it was tug of war.
EAST vs WEST.
reg A and C combined.
so woots. :D
and EAST won.
so YAY. :D

and ohh, did i mentioned that i was super late? =/
due to pw, yet again. -.-
but thank God i came before alter call.
thank God i dint miss it.
because it was an experience of a lifetime?
to feel that strong presence of the Holy Spirit.

altho i dint exactly get the entire msg frm the sharing by pastor chui,
i was greatly touched during alter call.
pastor chui asked those who wanted to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit,
to stand on her right side there.
and because i already had it,
i dint.

but somehow, sister susan just came and prayed for me.
at first, nothing happened.
i just stood there and praise God while she just prayed.
i dint feel anything, couldnt cry,
and no, nothing.

den i guess sister susan could tell that i dint wanna let go?
i mean, i myself dint know?
so she was like praying, say,
dont hold back, dont harden your heart.
pour out everything to God.
let the Holy Spirit take over you.
let God take control.

and yea, i felt it.
i really did.
and it was really an awesome experience with God.
the very first time that i experience that,
was during the 1st hof camp.
when i received the baptism of the HS.
except that this time was stronger.
and i couldnt control.
i just cried and cried and cried.
and couldnt stop.
my eyes started to swell and everything.
but ya, just wanna thank God for bringing me back closer to Him
yet once again. (:

and and,
pastor chian knows already! =/
but he's super cute please. :D
havent talked to pastor mong yee yet.
but intend to, after service tmr.
but den got peacemakers meeting.
so yah, guess after that?
hope she's not busy or anything.
and i'm kan jiong! =/
ahhh, just pray that everything will go well.

i have lots of thots going thru my mind right now.
i wanna let it out all here.
but it's getting late and i'm tired. =/
right now it's 3.50am
and that thing fell aslp again after my wake-up call.
bleah and hmph.

oh well,
shall write out my thots here tmr then.
as in, later tonight.
and it's pw again later. ):

training starts on monday!
so WOOTS.

and it's BYE BYE FATS. :D

if what's within is made known,
some things change, unknowingly.
and no matter how hard you try,
it's just not gonna go back the way it used to be.

V I R N I C E
there's no one else like me cause' God made me special. (:
virnice
eighteen
10.09.90
andersonjc
childofGOD
evangelite
dolphins
drummer
RUNNER
HURDLER.

LOVES God; chocoates&icecream; sports; family&frens; sleeping.
DISLIKES smokers; exams; vegetables; cockroaches&lizards!


visitors
with currently viewing.

go around the world.
laptop.
ipod.
grow taller.
grow thinner.
PROMOTE
top 8 for NATS.
improve drumming
sling bag/haversack
ace the As!

.alex
.alsyaari
.andrew
.angela
.austin
.benjamin
.berlin
.bernice
.bertrice
.bertrum
.christine
.chooshuin
.debra
.elvia
.esther
.ethan
.ernest
.evangel
.gabriel
.gina
.huikhoon
.ice
.ivan
.jasmine
.jexx
.jovin
.junying
.justinKHAW
.kangseng
.kenneth
.kent
.melissa
.michelle
.midori
.nelvin
.nelwyn
.nicholas
.nikki
.ppk
.quanhui
.rico
.rongjie
.royston
.samuel
.shaoming
.shanti
.shirley
.stephanie
.terence
.thilaiga
.TK+TMS
.tingzhe
.wanyi
.weisheng
.wenyi
.xiangxiang
.xuan
.yin lai
.yongyong
.yuanting
.zhimin
.zoe
.06/07

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