Thursday, October 11, 2007
2:49 AM Y
♥ just the girl.
alright.
it's gonna be a long post i guess?
firstly, i missed out one person in my thank-you list!
#5 ETHAN GOH ZI CHENG. :D
thanks for all the online encouragement.
even tho both of us were getting so stressed and crazy bout exams,
but i'm glad we helped to motivate each other on.
thanks also for introducing me to a new friend.
well, not exactly a new friend,
but a friend who has been beside me all this while,
just that i dint realise.
until u told me.
his name is FAITH. (:
so thank you so much.
for cheering me on during that period of time.
helping me to distress a lil.
hah, a big thank you! :D
and next,
my sincerest apologies goes out to two person,
#1 JASMINE GAN.
#2 WALL
i'm so sorry!
for making you both wait online for me.
i was tempted by my stupid bed!
i promise i wont ever go near it again,
if i got online appt with you both.
ahhhh, i feel super bad.
and i heard about the conversations you both had online.
it was quite. =/
but guess i deserve it.
and sorry jas, i replied you in my semi-conscious state.
and talked to you in my semi-conscious state.
and sorry wall, for not picking up ur call. =/
lalala, i'm at the both of your mercy k.
so sorry.
promise i wont do it again!
PLEASE FORGIVE ME. :D
and okay.
now i'm gonna officially blog. (:
well, i pw-ed FOUR days in a row lah!
totally cant believe it.
from friday all the way till monday can.
non-stop pw-ing can really drive someone mad.
i had 6 hours of slp in 3days.
like wow right?
my eye bags are toatally obvious now
even tho i'm so dark. -.-
but bleah.
that AFL better not give some sai comment.
we want CONSTRUCTIVE feedback hor.
argh.
and sunday was scary please!
finally told pastor mong yee already.
went to look for her immediately after POR4 meeting.
and i think jerry knows already.
cuz he like so ji ji to help me find pastor. heh.
pastor mongyee was super cute lah.
she kept saying NOT about drumming hor?
like as if she had no more drummers already
den scared i saying i want a break frm duty or sth. hah.
but ya, she was okay with it.
and her reaction was totally unexpected lah.
den it was her turn to keep saying i'm cute.
for the fact that i went to tell her.
hah but -.-
and i asked her to pass the message to pastor queebeng
den she say wont only be to pastor queebeng.
haha, super cute lah. (:
finally, it's open and known.
my very first.
i'm excited, yet at the same time afraid?
excited for everything that awaits me.
and afraid cuz i really dont know what to expect.
only God knows, and i shall trust in Him. (:
monday is not worthy to be spoken about,
for it is dumb pw again. -.-
ohhyes!
it's worth mentioning cuz there was training!
so WOOTS. :D
managed to run off some fats i guess? =/
but i felt really good after training.
and there was exco meeting.
tuesday was op trial 1.
was quite kan jiong and all.
but my grp was one of the worst i guess? =/
we got alot of loopholes and all.
ohh well, got lots to work on.
and that means, MORE PW-ING.
ahhh crap.
and tuesday afternoon was outing with jasmine gan!
been quite long since i went out lah.
no moive, nothing.
but it was EATING and SHOPPING.
the ultimate combi please? :D
eating cause FATS.
and shopping helps us walk them OFF.
so WOOTS. :D
outing with jas is always fun and funny. :D
loads and loads of laughter.
and we just laugh about everything under the sun.
not forgetting we were sourcing for sth. (:
and it's like food, food and more food?
den random notebook shopping at taka and kino.
basically we just LUAN HUA QIAN?
hah, i forgot what's the word to use!
and apparantly,
jasmine gan who's on the phone with me right now,
is unable to give me an acceptable answer too!
DONATING MONEY TO THE WORLD HOR? :D
and den jas had some training thingy at taka.
she starting work on thur!
so JIAYOU girl. :D
dont start staring at those jap snack and slack hor.
must work. :D
and dont let the stupid cashier thingy defeat you!
please know how to use it.
and the whatever float thing? :D
and dinner rocks. :D
character development programme at ecp today.
sandcastle building lah!
and i'm talking about BIG structures.
not those kind of small play play ones.
i shall post the pictures here soon.
and there was structure of patrick starfish too! :D
so cute please.
and i took picture with it!
plus poked its stomach. :D
ohh, and thanks WIFEY.
for the long walking journey.
sorry if i caused your legs to be suan. =/
but it was fun hor!
HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT. :D
u nature-destroyer!
itchy hands, pluck pluck pluck!
TSKTSK. :P
and photos taking all the way!
frm ecp and all the way to frankel ave there to take 32.
heh, so fun lah please.
photos soon! :D
and ber,
how were we over reacting?
we were just angry and disappointed?
which is like a natural thing.
put yourself in our shoes and think.
sigh, whatever lah.
it doesnt matter anymore.
nothing matters anyway.
recently, a decision of mine made things change.
in a way i dint expect it to.
and it's in a bad way.
because my heart wasnt able to control itself,
i sacrificed everything i ever had.
if given another chance,
i'll probably make the same decision
but i'll make sure there's nothing first?
i definitely cause much hurts.
sometimes, things dont turn out the way you want it to.but then again, you cant have everything.you cant have the best of both worlds.you get one and you lose another.and that's life.but it hurts, it really does.to know that things cant go back to the way it was before.because everything that has happened,has left footprints in my hearts.memories that will always stay with me.but no matter how hard i try,things just can never be the same.not ever again.still, i thank God
because He has been so good and faithful to me.
and maybe things are not going well right now.
but i guess these are lessons for me to learn from.
and i'm learning more about myself each and everyday.
whatever it is, God is with me. (:
and i dont know if it's talking bout me.
but i guess it's kinda obvious.
because everyone's been talking bout it.
and i dont know why.
what's wrong with that fact.
or just blame me for being over sensitive.
i dont know if u're talking bout me.
but even if u're not, there are things i also want u to know.
the fact is that we've never been close before.
how can that be when u're always taking my hp and reading my msg in the past.
and finding things about me
which i would consider it to be private.
and the fact that you dont keep it to yourself
makes things far worst.
and confront you?
how could i, because it'll hurt so much.
like, EHH WHY DID U READ MY MESSAGES WHILE I WAS BATHING?
and beacause it'll totally ruin our friendship.
so i decided to suffer the injustice and leave things the way they are,
at least we'll still be friends.
and things wont be so awkward between us.
but i guess i cant contain it anymore
because if u say we're drifting apart due to them,
i feel that it's really unfair to me.
in the first place, i already dont seem to fit in with u all.
makes it hard to catch up with what u all are saying
about new shoes, new bag, new dresses, new make-up and the latest fashion.
it tires me quite abit as i try my best to fit in.
noone seems to know my existence.
and neglecting?
well, u forgot my birthday.
okay mayb u dint.
but i dint hear a single thing frm u on that day.
even if it was a belated birthday wish/msg,
i'd still b happy to receive it because it's the thot that really matters.
but nope.
do u even know how disappointed and sad i was.
because whatever it is,
our friendship has lasted for at least 8 years?
and i'm sorry if i ever made u all feel left out or sth.
because i really dint mean it.
God sent them to me in the most surprising way.
and i find them i can relate to them better.
i guess it's only normal i spend more time with them?
and sorry, i can have many friends
but i feel that each of us should/would have only a few
whom we can confide in.
cuz u certainly cant be close to everyone.
we look okay on the outside,
that's because i never raise any disagreements or unhappiness.
and yes, i agree i'm at fault regarding that.
say i'm a coward or whatsoever.
the main thing i was concerned with,
was our friendship.
even tho we couldnt be close,
i still wanted that friendship.
because it took us a long way back.
there was a period of time we were quite close.
because u found out sth u shouldnt.
and again, it's by taking my hp and looking at my msges.
but den we realised we were on the same boat.
and we could only rely on each other.
because it would seem so wrong in the eyes of others.
but we knew we had each other's backs.
and that was the only time.
and u really do not know me inside out.
mayb because most of the times u are more about yourself than me.
in that mirror of yours, u only see yourself.
or maybe it's just me.
unwilling to open up.
but have u ever wondered why i was reluctant to do so?
some friends can really relate to each other very well,
but some, no matter how hard u try, u just cant.
and believe me, i ever tried.
but i gave up a long time ago.
and this is how far things can get.
and the same goes,
if only you would use you heart to see.
i'm probably going thru the worst time of my life.
i feel that i've made the wrong decisions once again.
i keep messing things up and just cant get things right.
why do i feel as if the whole world is watching every lil thing i do.
and it's really getting stressful.
mayb that's why God wanted me to let go on friday on.
my heart is getting heavier and heavier each day,
i'm only praying hard it doesnt grow cold,
cuz when it does,
i would lose everything.
all of life's meaning,
and all i ever had.
it's a scary feeling and i never wanna walk that way.
so please, give me some room breathe.
because i'm this close to breaking down once again.
life, has too many lessons for me to learn.
and sometimes, i just cant take the blow.
so life, please give me a break.
and Lord, no more tests for the moment please?
because it's more than i can take.
give me strength because i need You more than ever.
