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Thursday, May 07, 2009

11:50 PM Y



perfect world, so NOT.
just the girl.

hmm, well, i've been emo-ing and moody-ing lots today.
mainly cuz of my studies.
feel like i'm lagging behind, not catching up at all.
instead, i'm falling more and more behind.
i have no idea what's going on for physics, since FOREVER.
chemistry, since today.
math, since stats.
geog, since i dont even know when.
and I'M TAKING MY STUPID A LEVELS THIS YEAR.

the worst thing is, i dont even feel that i have anyone to turn to for help in my studies.
when i tell the adults, they say this is REALITY.
it's a cruel world out there and i'm on my OWN.

but you know what?
things could have been so different.
if only i had work harder when i was in j1 2007.
if only i could adapt to jc life faster.
if only i had managed my time properly.
if only now i had angela, clarissa and the other track girls to study with,
to ask for help in my studies when i needed.
if only i could study with darr.
if only shirley was with me.
if only i didnt retain.
IF ONLY.
the two of the worst words in the english dictionary.

i dont think i've ever felt so alone before in my life.
and i've been neglecting God too..
mayb that's why i'm feeling this way now..

I TOTALLY DESERVE IT.
I ASKED FOR IT.

have you ever ran a race and lagged behind so much that you cant find the motivation to push yourself any harder?
that's how i'm feeling right now.
everyone's in front and i'm all alone behind.

this is probably the 100th time i'm telling myself i can do it.
it's almost the end and i'm reaching.
but mayb i'm not gonna make it for the 101st time..

studies aside, there are other issues bothering me as well.
work, which my mum is really unhappy about.
track, which i think will close down soon cuz too much veggie.
bf, whom i miss like crazy.
dad, whom keep asking me abt my studies and bought this laptop for my education in uni.
which means, i'm like so DEAD if dont make it.
people, whose judgemental glances are putting me down.

i feel like giving up on my studies.
it's like never ending, and i'm not getting anywhere.
but at the same time, i dont wanna disappoint the people around me, who care for and love me..

sigh. i dont know what i shld do now..
it's really discouraging and demoralizing to keep failing your tests.
and i dont have much self discipline.
CRAP.
RAHH.

let's change topic ba.

well, i was just like looking at all the past photos that i took.
mostly at tanjong katong sec, track and stuff.
i look so fat then!
and i just suddenly started to recall those sec school days,
finishing school at 2 plus,
crossing the overhead bridge to take 33 home,
going to tampines stadium for training,
interclass netball,
1E 03/2E 04,
3G 05/4G 06,
times spent with shuyi, clar, weiqi, stef and other trackers,
with shan, nik, weirong,
taking lame photos with anne, yeok fei, ppk, rachel bok,
those childish conflicts,
chicken rice and crabmeat, etc.
and I REALLY REALLY REALLY MISS THOSE GOOD OLD DAYS.
where we were all still so young and innocent.
carefree, childish and playful.
i just wish i could turn back time and return to all those good times.
and now, just looking at my friends and the drastic changes that occurred,
really gives me a big shock and kinda saddens me..

i know people change.
but i guess i just dont know how to handle these changes.

alright, i'll end my crap here for today,
gonna TRY and study now sigh.
it's tutorial day tmr.
OHH YAY.

imagine a world where we had no choice.
no choice but to believe in God.
no choice but to do good all the time.
will we all go to heaven then?

VIRNICE.






The girlY



V I R N I C E
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virnice
eighteen
10.09.90
andersonjc
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LOVES God; chocoates&icecream; sports; family&frens; sleeping.
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